take me out
and cut me into tiny pieces
and let them be strewn all over the place
cause i feel torn
take out my heart
and carve in it
the choicest of blasphemy
cause i don't know peace
sheer me and make bow down
under the weight of hundred pound iron
cause i know defiance
slaughter me the very last of me
and make me orb of pulp
and crush my bones and mind alike
cause I know desire
smother me and let me drown
and get eaten by the slimy scavengers
cause i know pride
strip me and show the ugly me
for the world to judge
and prosecute and crucify
and then stone me to death
cause i know love


--
In the end, it doesn't even matter........

I am torn

I look around
i see things that I don't have to
I feel things that are sacrilegious
i do things that are desecration
i can't breath anymore
I can't smile
I can't laugh
I am dragging a dead corpse
everywhere I go
and the corpse is mine
I am a dead man walking
I am torn

Don't know what to say anymore
don't know where to go
feel like running far and fast
before the corpse starts to stink
before the stench becomes un bearable
before flesh starts to rot
before my mind becomes a vegetable
but my feet have become of lead
my heart has ceased to beat
the way it used to
I don't have any dreams left
and everything is getting shattered
I am torn

feel i should finish this all
look into those eyes
eyes of Apocalypse
and pray them to take me away
on the wings of death
to a far off place
a place called hell
a place where I will finally belong



--
In the end, it doesn't even matter........

this is the end

I think I have finally decided what I want. the choice is not tough, though it asks a lot of me, but the realization that I have to kill myself the way I know it has dawned on me.
Freedom comes with a price, in my case it is loneliness, My mistake to open my mouth, don't have to do it anymore, I just have to keep it shut, shut with a big duct tape wrapped around it. I am evil and nothing inside of me is capable of any goodness. So just keep shut, don't challenge people don't interact with people, just be alone. no more sunday sermons, no more sermons on the hill.
kill and submit yourself to everybody around you, don't have to think anymore, don't have to feel anymore, just shut myself off from all the illusions. There is nothing called miracle, there is no dream, just an empty and meaningless life that I have to submit to, but I think eventually it would ease the pain. There is no point to anything, no cause or means is good enough to stand up to. every cause is relative, when Gandhi can be blamed for being an asshole, I am definitely an asshole, and I don't have to brag about being one.
nobody will accept or even try to comprehend what I am thinking, explain and I myself will land into dilemmas, senses lust for things that are not required, instincts lie, so don't submit to them, never.
and if you feel the sorrow, bow down and submit to the notion of god and pray for deliverance.............
that is what I have to do, kill myself completely, cause the basic belief that I had, that I have some inherent goodness in me, has come crumbling down. I am a sick asshole, a sick, very sick human being, or rather an animal. And nothing I do is going to change that. So I will heed to silence and submit my soul to the purgatory and let my requiem play loud.
finally to quote from one of my idols, Jim the fuckin' Morrison

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land

Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end



--
In the end, it doesn't even matter........

ek gharonda ho

Us pahad ke pare
ek gharonda ho
jo ki taaron ki chaon main
chandni ko lapete hue
mujhe apni aur pukaare
aur ek thake hue yoddha ko
ek lamha ruk kar araam de

us pahad ke pare
ek gharonda ho
bahar ek bada peepul ka ped ho
us ped ki shakaon pe ek jhoola
jo ki hava ke jhaunko se hil raha ho
aur ek  lakdi ka jangla ho
jo ki prakriti ko bahar rakhe
prakriti ka ho kar bhi
aur us ghar ke baramde main
main baith kar kuch chain ki saans le sakoon

us pahad ke pare
ek gharonda ho

us gharonde main kuch yaadein hon
kuch logon ka aks ho
har deewar, har darwaaza koi dastaan kehta ho
har pag par main itihaas ke sammukh hoon
uther woh royi thi
ither usne mujhe daanta tha
uther woh jhagdi thi
abhi bhi uske hasne ki awaaz
aangan main maano goonj rahi ho
us ghar main chahe main akela hi hoon
lekin yeh ghar mujhe jeene dega
mujhe yaadon main jeene dega
woh mere jeevan naamak marusthal main
ek mrigyatrishna ki bhaanti upasthit hoga

us pahad ke pare
ek gharonda ho



--
In the end, it doesn't even matter........

why do i let it get away

why do i let it get away

I know it is just an urge
I know it just a thought
I know it is just a dream
but why do i let it get away

I know i will have to justify
defy, and be a non conformist
if i were to let it get away
and fly with its wings open
dancing all around me
making be believe that
being alive can be magical
but still i let it get away

I can't think a moment with out it
that is why maybe i let it get away

--
"would you make the dreams come true?" she asked,
"Do you want them to come true ?" replied he
"yes"
"Then realised they would be, just believe in them, completely".

Sin City

Watched SinCity yesterday,
This is adaptation of Graphic novel and hence the movie is veru stylised with lots of volience and lots of gore.
but I didn't like it that much, it talks of a society that has decayed so much that blood gore and raw strength becomes the norm and survival of fittest means a whole different ball game.
The characters are very two dimensional, I felt that they were not developed, there is no excuse given as to why they are the way they are. the movie is stylised, but that is not all that one looks for. the star cast is very heavy and almost everybody gets lost in the mayhem.
Though the start of the movie was very promising, with strong narrative, and signature style, but the whole thing fizzles down, because I didn't find much substance in the voilence, but just for the heck of it.
A movie that can be avoided, if not for the technique used to bring the novel onto screen


--
races condemned to one hundered years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth.

Aah ko chahiye

This is what Ghalib says.
Heis one of the best poets I have ever read

Aah ko chaahiye ik umr asar hone tak

 

Aah ko chaahiye ik umr asar hone tak
Kaun jeetaa hai terii zulf ke sar hone tak

 

Aashiqii sabr-talab aur tamannaa betaab
Dil kaa kyaa rang karun Khuun-e-jigar hone tak
[sabr-talab=patient]

 

Ham ne maanaa ke taGaaful na karoge lekin
Khaak ho jaayenge ham tumko Khabar hone tak
[taGaaful=neglect/ignore]

 

Gam-e-hastii kaa 'Asad' kis se ho juz marg ilaaj
Shamm'a har rang mein jaltii hai sahar hone tak
[juz=other than; marg=death]

--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

yeh hakikat to nahin

yeh hakikat to nahin
jo main bayan kar raha hoon
yeh deewanagi to nahin
jo main mehsoos kar raha hoon
yeh kaisi justzu hai
jiska koi nishkarsh nahin
ek apahij sa ho gaya hoon
aur baisakhian bhi aisi
ki unpar jhuk nahin sakta
is dwand main main mita ja raha hoon
lekin mitne ka mujhe gham bhi nahin

Sochta hoon ki yeh khwaab hai
abhi pau fatne par chetna aa jayegi
lekin is khwaab ko jee loon pehle
in dhadkano ko sune umr guzar gayi hai
unki dhadkan fir se sun loon
in aankhon ko intezaar nahin tha
intezaar main palkein jhapak loon fir se
woh awaaz jo madhosh sa kar jaati hai
madhosh hona bhool gaya tha main
us awaaz main kho kar fir madhosh ho jaoon
prarthna hai ki chetna na aaye
ya jab aaye to main na rahoon

yeh hakikat to nahin
lekin swarg ki anoobhooti lagti hai

--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

want for fall

I think I am doomed, want to complicate my life.
Inspite of having everything normal mortals aspire for
I have a strange longing for more
I think I want to have a fall
a big free fall

Just hope that I never hit the ground
hope I fall into a bottomless abyss
and  If I do hit the ground
hope that I would perish along the fall.

--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

life is beautiful still

Life is beautiful still
there is hope
though at a far away horizon
there is light
though it is beyond the promised dawn
there is love
though it is full of peril
there is peace
though the path to it is through turmoil
there is warmth
though the winter is still not over
life is beautiful still


--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

Renderings from the bottom of my heart.

my conversation with a fellow human, made me think about a question that is so elusive.
Love.
What is love, now to some it might sound a notion from bygone era, but I would still like to define love. I for one don't want to believe that love is "this chemical" mixing with "that chemical" with "hormones pitching in" to produce "side effects like palpitation, sudden dizzy feeling, quickening of breath, and  psychological phenomenon, that induces the will for total submission"
I want to define love in the most poetic way possible, you can say that I am impractical, but I say, "we are already in hell, so why not glorify the  biggest sinner of all, love, and feel good about it".

love is complete submission, love is complete acceptance, love is complete tolerance, love is going to the most horrifying of places, the ugliest and scariest places ever imaginable, and still accept them and tolerate them, (maybe tolerate is not the right word, but I wanted to use it anyway, because I believe that humans do get angry, and this has to be tolerated too. ) and submit to them your soul for safekeeping.
love is destiny trying to conspire against all odds to catch up with you.
love is the whole of cosmos trying to nurture and keep the life alive, love is the existence of humans on the face of this earth. love is two lovers meeting in clandestine, love is a whole nation joining hands for freedom, love is a peaceful negotiation of war, love is the deepest of ocean that hides away so many lives, love is the fertile planes of ganges that gave life to millions of humans.
Love is Nature.
Love is the prayer that is said without any asking, love is the will to survive and exist. Love is what makes us feel, (in case you are one of us software geeks, love is the baseline against which we measure feelings) love is to muse, love is to indulge, love is to risk everything for one soulful encounter.
love is the healing touch, love is mother nurturing a baby.

It is strange why we don't love anymore, it is strange that we hide from the true emotion, why do we suffocate it and give it meanings, why do we differentiate it. Love cannot be interpreted according to ones wishes, then why do we let a small coterie define the appropriateness or dis-appropriateness of love. why do they still slaughter the ones who love, why do we have Romeo Juliet, Heer Ranjha being repeated everywhere. Why do we define the boundaries of love, why do we say that love is exclusive, why don't we accept love, why do we brand it.

this is probably the best love letter I will ever write, but please don't use the word "love letter" for they have depraved the meaning of the same. They have made love trivial and unimportant, they have ravaged love and they still are not satisfied. So please don't call it that.

but you can surely call it , renderings from the bottom of my heart...............


--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

will go away, if you want me to

Will go away if you want me to
I am one of those omens
one of those spells
that someone has cast on thee
to make you feel again
for better or worse
how can I say
that is for you to decide
but the curse is reversible
just wish me to go away
and do it earnestly
and I would have vanished
long before you open your eyes

though I want you to see
the other world I promised
but I have not been there myself
want to make the journey though
but I am jinxed, cause I am a thought
need someone to understand it
and take me to new horizon
but if that horizon is not yours
so be it
the thought will vanish
the thought will be forgotten
never to rise again
will go away if you want me to

I was but languishing
in the dark corners of my hell
with nothing but morbid gloom,
covering the whole of me,
one moment and I was zapped
out of my silent recluse
and told, to be to you
what slingshot was to david
hope, medium, tool
in your search for yourself
but who knows what you will find
who knows if it woulld be good
who knows even if it is worth it
who cares, but maybe you,
I am but intangible
in your life that is
so wish me to go away
and go away I will

--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

Couldn't have been a star

Couldn't have been the star,
that guides from horizon,
ushering into the twilight
what destiny holds for thee

Couldn't have been the angel
whose thoughts inspire goodness
calling you to a sinless abode
ringing the bells of virtue

Couldn't have been a hero
who would rescue thee
from the fire and fury of the world
taking you in his arms
and riding off to horizon

couldn't have been a start
Couldn't have been a star...........

hey Ram

It was his revolution, he had started it, he had built it, he had sown the seeds, he had envisioned it. The final blow to the corrupt and non functional legislature would be given tomorrow morning and then the nation would be born again, the triumph would have to be sustained and he was already neck deep in calculations and planning to make things perfect. he knew that there would be suffering, he knew that there might be bloodshed too, but he was not prepared for ethical degradation of the revolution. as he stood by the window of his secret headquarters, these were his very thoughts.
How would he make sure that all the people that undertook this journey with him, will withstand the trials of time and shut themselves off from basic human emotion of greed. How would he make sure that the people along with him will respect the thought that created the revolution and won't get busy in amassing wealth and power. He didn't have an answer and he was worried. He knew that the only way he could become truly great was, if he is successful in making this revolution glorious,  and history, not just his story, but rather story of the times when a new paradigm of governance came into being.
He thought about his closest aides, and how they respect him, but how he was slowly loosing trust in them, How he wanted so very often to spy on them, to know what they were up to
He thought about the people, who were the foot soldiers of this revolution and how they have hope and believe in him, but he felt that they knew nothing about the vision, or at the best had their own philosophy about the vision. It seemed a mammoth job to even get them to think on the same lines.
he thought about the people he was about to over throw, they seemed wicked and fake, and source of all that was evil. But they had been elected by the very same people who wanted a change now. "Why did they choose such a bunch of Jokers ?", he thought. and there was no answer. he thought about the first time when he had thought about this revolution, the first time when he had thought that the democracy can be taken over by democracy, that all it takes is to have a revolution at the time when nation goes to polls.
His Idea was simple, he re-invented the word leader and showed people what leadership should mean. He spent so much time amongst people, making them realize that eventually they have the power to overthrow the biggest of tyrants. He taught them hope and inculcated the habit of asking questions.
Then he chose the best among them to be his leaders, and he surprisingly got away with all this, because he never talked about politics.
Then finally after 20 years of hard work, hi leaders declared their candidature for general elections as independents. He knew they are sure to win, he knew that the power belongs to him, he knew that he can now walk the last mile and finally make his nation what he dreamt of.

"Enough of this crap", he said, and walked of his office to meet a delegation of people who had come to see the great leader and visionary and talk to him about their concerns. He folded his hands in the traditional salutation, just then he felt a piercing pain in hi chest. He looked down and could see a hole,  just above his heart. Blood was oozing out and his green shirt was becoming black. He tried to regain balance, but fell to his side and world heard the famous words once again "Hey Ram"


--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

The truth about secret garden

"So how is everything", exclaimed the princess, because the stars were no longer lit and the moon was a bit dull, and she felt that she had to be re-assured that everything was in perfect order. The maid knew the princess and knew what was wrong with the world, but she dared not to tell the princess about the uprisings in the far north and the bloodshed in west. She wanted to protect her from the misinformation for as long as she could. but now as the princess posed the question to the King himself, the maid could do nothing much but fidget around, hoping that the king would understand and won't make life tough for his daughter.
she had been born with the curse of a weak heart, she would be moved to pity by slightest of plight of people around her, she would be so pained by the sorrow of people that she won't sleep for nights altogether. It was only after the flower boy episode that the King realized the vulnerability of her daughter.
one fine day the flower boy, who used to gather flowers from the estates and then make bouquets out of them, was busy pruning the Rose bushes, when Princess happened to be in the gardens with he maid and governess taking French lessons, the flower boy heard her voice, the sweetest voice he had ever heard and he got completely transfixed by her spoken words. Even though he didn't understand what was being said, but he felt the peace he had never felt before. From that they onwards he would take special care and make loveliest of the bouquets for the princess. The most he wanted to do was meet princess once and hand her the bouquet himself. One day mesmerized by the ever blinding affection and with his inhibition reduced to nothing, he did the unthinkable.
He waited for princess to be in Garden once again, it took months for that to happen, but he never lost hope. Everyday he would go to the gardens, toil hard, and make beautiful bouquets. He started growing the reddest of the roses, he has a secret recipe for that, he would daily mix few drops of his own blood in the watering can so that the roses become as dark as his blood and remind the princess of his un-fathomable love.
After about 8 months he heard the princess again, she was walking with the King and they were discussing the spring bloom and how she loved to see the trees in bloom. His heart was pounding and he knew he had waited  so much and if he didn't go and meet her now, he might never see her again. He gathered all his courage and went towards the voices, but first he choose the darkest of red roses for his fair maiden. As he got close, he was stopped by the guards, he requested them and told them he had to see the princess, the guards laughed at him and tried to dissuade him. But he was determined and stood his ground. Hearing the commotion the King excused himself, told the princess to be where she was and approached the guards to check out what the matter was.
On seeing the boy and the flowers, the king lost his temper and ordered the guards to slaughter the boy. Two guards held the boy and the third swiftly be-headed him. The blood from the boy fell on the flowers. and he collapsed in a heap. His body was lifted and stowed away, but they forgot about the roses. Princess had heard the screaming and wailing of the boy, requesting the king to let him meet her once before he dies. Even though she had not understood what was being said and done, she had this strange sinking feeling. she ran towards the spot and saw the King standing with some guards, and just next to king lay the roses, now soaked in blood, more darker than ever.
She fainted, regained consciousness, and cried for 7 whole nights and days, she refused to eat. She didn't know what had descended on her, she could feel the sorrow, but of what, she didn't know.
on 8th when she got up, the King was sitting next to her. He looked at her and said, "don't worry I will create a paradise for you and you shall be happy then". It is then that the secret garden was born. The princess lived in this secret garden away from all sorrows and all things bad, with her maid and governess and occasional visits by the King.
She grew to be a noble woman, but still she was very soft at heart, and whatever King tells her now will shape the future of the country.....

--
Arise, awake and stop not, till the goal is achieved.

~Vivekanand

Change

Was talking to R for a long time today, I think I needed that chat so very much, Am feeling very relieved now and full of new found confidence too. after all I have nothing to loose, I do have brains, just have to apply them and work hard. Also I talked about depression and how it happens and understood that I am not the only one in grip of this vicious thing. Anyway have decided to take things in the proper perspective and live out life without being unnecessarily despotic.
Today I am going to have a party and tomorrow when I wake up I would wake up as a new man, with a few basic things in place. I really should feel thankful to all who saw me through this. I know the way ahead is not going to be easy, but I am not scared anymore, I know it will take a long time to regain what you have lost, but you shall regain it and then relinquish it.
and once you have done that you will never ever feel that you are running away from life. Trust yourself believe in yourself and your powers of perception, goddammit man you have an IQ of 156.


--
Arise awake and stop not till the Goal is achieved

~Vivekanad

few things to do..........

I caught myself while I still had time, now is the time to act and act i will.
1. Discipline. I don't know this term, this is not in my dictionary. This is a big chunk completely missing from my mind. So I have to inculcate the discpline and have a rythm in life.
2. work . Work is work. no second thoughts about it. Pick up geeta and read it, listen to geeta and understand it. No compromise whatsoever with work, whether you find it suitable or not. You are free to re-invent yourself, but no disloyalty to bread and butter.

maa ka aanchal

jab bachpan main kabhi
jhagad kar apne sahbaalon se
daud ke ghar chala jaata tha
koi shararat kar ke jab main
apne aap ko ghira hua paata tha
tab main maa ke
us aanchal ko dhoondta tha
sochta tha ki maa mujhe bacha legi

daante gi, shayad maaregi bhi
lekin bacha legi
maa se maar kha sakta tha main
woh aakhir apni jo thi

aaj jeevan main main maa ka
woh aanchal fir talaash raha hoon
shayad ab main bahut bada ho gaya hoon
shayad bahut akela bhi
lekin chahta hoon ek nayi shuruaat
koi mujhe maa ki tarah maaf kar de
daante dapate, fir pyaar se maaf kar de

--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

killing oneself

I have been feeling exceptionally miserable for last 2-3 months.
Nothing seems to be working and nothing seems to be right, I think I have reached the so called mid-life crises.
Following are the questions that give me the Titanic sinking feeling.
1. what do I aspire to be in life ?
2. What am I doing to achieve that ?

All my life has been one big marathon, running from one problem to another, digressing from actual issue and trying to heal the outer peel, whereas the core is rotting, there is not much left there and whatever is left is so lacking in conviction and confidence. It is as if I am the same 5 year old child, sent to write an essay in essay competition and I don't have a clue what the topic is going to be about, the same old child who got up and told the organizer that he can't write the essay, because the topic had not been taught to him, the same boy who feels humiliated when the organizers laugh, cries all the way home to find some shelter and get humiliated again, because he doesn't live up to expectations.
That child in me refuses to die.
The child who refused to see authority, who didn't like what he was made to do, i remember the child me, not wanting to do the homework, but wanting to play, I remember the child me, tinkering with the homework diary, not noting down the homework, the child me, beaten and broken and  twisted to confirm to the authority.  the Child me, who loved to dream.  They tried to kill it completely and I was with them, but still the child me, refuses to die, refuses to give up, wakes up inside me and argues, "What the fuck are you doing man". he comes up to me and says "You have become what you used to loath"

The child me, who was waiting on his desk, for the wrath of the teacher to break loose, praying desperately for the bell to ring before she reaches my desk and figures out that my notebook is not in shape and strips me in front of the whole class, Just as she had stripped all the deviant ones.
the child me still shudders at the thought, still feels that drain of energy, still has that big sinking feeling, when someone asks me to perform  what I don't want to do.

but coming back to the questions.
I aspire to be an artist. An artist who brings joy to people's life, and artist that touches their soul, an artist that guides them, at times warns them about evil, at other times even makes them love evil. An artist who talks about change, sometimes just for the heck of change.
An artist who doesn't confirm to notions of morality, religion, society. An artist who defines his own morality, who develops his own un-biased perspective and amazes all who see it.
And I am doing nothing about it, and that really kills me. I am doing nothing about it because nothing seems to be sacred anymore. I don't believe in the child me. All my senses tell me that child me, has always got me into trouble. all my virtual existence in this world tells me to strangle the child me. Tells me to smother him to death and then bury him in the remotest possible location. And exist happily ever after. "Yes you won't be able to live, but that is ok", figures out my brain "Nobody lives, and the pain will fade away gradually, kill the child you, kill your soul, don't fucking listen to it. and you will be happy living the mediocre life, that you are living right now"

And I am caught up in the dilemma, that is pushing me more and more towards a breakdown. I am really killing myself




--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy


--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Rise of the phoenix

My wings are clipped
my heart bleeds
my eyes have sorrow
that you haven't come to pass
my soul lies battered and debauched
and my limbs are but wasted
my senses make no sense
and I am all alone

Wish I could die
consumed by fire
maybe then rise again
to be a golden flame

discover myself afresh
and make my presence felt



--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

so what

So what if life doesn't work out,<br> so what if you don't get what you aspire for<br> so what if dawn seems like the mouth<br> of a deadly dungeon<br> so what.........<br> <br> Nothing is ever gonna change and just to think that life will someday somehow work out, is the biggest of illusions that we cherish. It is going to be the same, if not worse than what it is today. And we will all keep on running and playing the wheel of fortune all through this rough bumpy ride.<br> <br> life is like that<br> <br><br>-- <br>I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the<br>faintest idea what.<br><br>- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy<br>

Never speak up

So I thought I will talk...... but talking is a very dangerous thing, Most of the times I have felt that I would have been better off If I had not spoken, If only I had kept quite and not told others what is in my skewed mind. At times I just see the truth so starkly that I don't have any other choice, but to tell the folks around me what I see. This has so far been one of my biggest weaknesses, I mean cummon who wants to hear the truth, If I know the truth I should probably keep quite and keep it with me always. Never ever tell people the truth becasue they don't want to listen to the truth. the truth will surprise them and it will scadalize them and then the relationship will no longer be the way it was before you decided to put your foot in your mouth.<br> <br> never speak up, with people who matter, or might matter.<br><br>-- <br>I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the<br>faintest idea what.<br><br>- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy <br>

trying to define god

how would it feel to be god ???
I am not sure because that is something that god has to answer, but I think it is about time that he came down from the heavenly abode that he is supposed to be inhabiting and answer a few difficult questions.
Why is there so much pain around ?
Why do people get battered and lead tattered lives ?
What is the purpose of suffering ? and no i don't believe it is to cleanse us.

All major religions have a concept of Heaven and hell, but what makes them imagine hell, I am not too sure about that. I mean if we ARE living in hell already. Or maybe there are different worlds with degrees of separation based on the evil around, then also we are definitely in one of the lowest worlds.

I think the only purpose of religion is to give hope and belief , because belief is powerful, other than that I don't find any significance of religion.


--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Let me sleep

Where is this

Where I am right now,

Is this the dream,

I had dreamt a long time back

Why don't I feel

The anguish, I only recently had.

Why do I see the colors so vivid

How come there is happiness to be felt.

I have never felt this way before and

Neither am I sure that I can take this any longer

 

But I know now how it feels to be alive finally

Till now I was in the dead asylum of death

And misery and all things that are bad.

And yet I want to go back to the where I once belonged

 

Maybe have felt darkness so much

That I have started relishing it now.

Don't take away this darkness

Cause the light is too blinding.

Let me go back to sleep

Don't wake me up yet

 

Let me sleep and be blissfully unaware

 

 

--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Finally I can blog from home

It has been a long standing wish of mine to be finally able to blog from home. Now I can do whatever I have wanted for all this long :-)

will hear from me more often now
h

The dilemma

I don't understand a lot of things that happen to me, maybe I am not
seeing the omens hidden in them. At this juncture it has become more
difficult than ever to think positively and clearly. I feel pulled
into negative thoughts, feel like crying and yelling and somehow
venting out my feelings.
I don't know why things have gone so bad.

I don't feel like continuing any more, everything seems like a burden
and I am the beast of the burden, supposed to carry it all with poise
and dignity, I never asked for it, but I have to still bear it. And
they say I am the one to blame for everything that went wrong. I think
expectation are really getting on to me. I don't want to have any
expectation and I don't want people to expect things from me.

Hope I feel better soon ,cause this has to end, better sooner than later

--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Where have all the sparrows gone

All was silent before the appointed hour
then there came a faint hint of light
the light engulfed everything living and dead
and then the sun rose like a yellow orb
but it was all silent still
except for the music playing,
from the ruin of a temple
Tried as hard as I could
but couldn't hear a single chirp

where had all the sparrows gone.

Cannot sleep anymore
just toss around in an unmade bed
waiting for the dawn again
the darkest hour is about to pass
and now I see the light again
soon I can feel he golden sunlight
It is becoming hot again
but all is silent still
except for the far sound of a dying engine
can't hear the chirping still

Where have all the sparrows gone.



--
I am one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want, only I just don't have the
faintest idea what.

- Zaphod Beeblebrox, in The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

the problem I have

There is nothing much to do so I am doing what i like to do the most.
I am contemplating.
I think of all the time that I have spent so far in my life, doing
nothing worthwhile. It is not because I don't want to work, but
because I don't see any meaning in it. It is as if I am trying to go
against the nature or god or something, if I want to achieve
something.
We as Humans have been designed to do what any life form with a short
life span won't do. We as humans try to downplay the fact that we are
very fragile, the ecosystem that we dwell in is very fragile. One very
small catastrophe on a galactic scale can wipe us out of extinction,
and instead of strengthening ourselves and ensuring that human beings
leave there mark on the Universe, we are too busy figuring out the
hierarchy in which humans should fit on earth.

And I don't see myself making any difference in the way we are, no
matter how hard I try. So I essentially give up and don't want to do
anything.


--
There are things known and things unknown
And in between lie the DOORS

knock

Like a long forgotten melody
wrapped in the mist of time
bringing back all the memories
good and bad alike
you knocked at my door again
and sent me reeling
into the past long forgotten
long lost, long left

why did you ever knock

I again remembered
what being alive means
remembered what soaring into free air meant
visited the burial place
of all my severed limbs
went to the abode that was heaven once
now in ruins
ruins that don't even talk about glory
that once was

why did you ever knock....

I knocked to find out
what happend to the dream
that you once were
what happened to the soul
that was only one free
what happened to the eyes
that spoke a million words
what happened to the words
that kept talking about hope

I never expected to see the ruins
I never expected to see a crippled man
dragging along the past
fogetting what he stands for
I came just to draw inspiration
from someone who meant a lot

that is why i knocked......

--
There are things known and things unknown
And in between lie the DOORS

I beg thy forgivness..........

She lives in her own world,
world that is beautiful still
there are fairies in that world
witches, goblins and godmothers too
such is her world all around
and she is the princess of all
she is to be cherished
remembered and looked after
she is the dew on the rose,
first rain drop to hit the ocean
she is the pearl of the oyster
she is the fresh snow
she needs to be pampered,
to be spoilt, to be looked after
such is her world all around
and yet she walks in this ghastly world
and still maintains that princely dream
as if she has seen that dream
not only seen but lived one day
a long long time ago.....

In her world there is no space for hatred
she gets angry, but not vengeful,
she has never known hatred
she is but love incarnated
and to enquire of her
wether she had loved ever???
she won't know , cause' all her life
she has loved everything and everyone the same

she is not a coy princess though
'cause she knows a tantrum or two
and when she gets mad,
the whole of nature goes wild
the oceans rise
the earth shakes
the mountains fall
and the mere mortals plead for mercy
I ask thy forgivness princess......
I ask thy forgivness.............
--
There are things known and things unknown
And in between lie the DOORS