pangs of loneliness
unholiness of worship
fallen gods becoming idols
idolaters seeking redemption
crass waste of endeavor
and yet it seems like yesterday
the silence is deafening
where once stood the revered
now stands a debauched figurine
some folks visit to see the lost glory
but all that is lost cannot be stated
it is gone like a puff of smoke
it is lost in the sands of time
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Carrying on
Annual flower show is on at lalBagh, Bangalore's Botanical Garden, and I have promised myself to go visit at any cost. I was not able to make it this weekend though. I can give excuses, but the truth is that I get tired so easily now a days that there is nothing much I can do except for sleep and office.
I have to gather myself somehow and fight back, fight this Fibromyalgia and do what I want to do. All the plans of shooting short films have been put on hold, I have been doing some photography, but again my subjects are limited to what I can get hold of nearby. Travel has come to a stand still, last trip to Murudeshwar was a bit too taxing on my health. I had to take 3 days off from work to recover from the bout of immobility.
Headaches have become part and parcel and they have their own disabling effect.
But I am not going to give up that easy, I have to fight :-)
The problem is that I somehow wish it will go away and I will be magically cured. But I guess that will not happen.
I have to gather myself somehow and fight back, fight this Fibromyalgia and do what I want to do. All the plans of shooting short films have been put on hold, I have been doing some photography, but again my subjects are limited to what I can get hold of nearby. Travel has come to a stand still, last trip to Murudeshwar was a bit too taxing on my health. I had to take 3 days off from work to recover from the bout of immobility.
Headaches have become part and parcel and they have their own disabling effect.
But I am not going to give up that easy, I have to fight :-)
The problem is that I somehow wish it will go away and I will be magically cured. But I guess that will not happen.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
A Blog about Nothing
I sit down to blog, to write something, the want to have something to day, something to share with the unknown readers, (who more often than not, never turn up) is overwhelming. I search my mind, all its depth, for something to write about, and I measure up the shallowness, because nothing comes up, nothing, Zilch.
I wonder if it is writer's block, then I ponder, am I a writer at all. Yes it is true that I have written a lot of poetry, some of it is beautiful, some of it is bearable, but all of it is very personal. I guess with poetry it has to be personal, and only someone going through the pain will ever understand the depth of thoughts the moment pen goes wild and words get a life of their own and poetry flows as if it was blood in my veins. None of the poems posted here were laboured over. all of them were written in a flow. So I guess I have a way with the words.
Should I write about the current issues? I don't feel up to it. the circus all around me is too self absorbed to serve any purpose writing about it.
So I can write about my passion, photography and music and movies and ideas I get for my movies. Nope. I like playing with them in my mind, the written medium kills the exuberance they have in my mind.
so what do I write about?
Nothing.....
that is what I have done in this post. I have written about Nothing.
And yes this was the original title of the blog.....
A Blog about Nothing.
I wonder if it is writer's block, then I ponder, am I a writer at all. Yes it is true that I have written a lot of poetry, some of it is beautiful, some of it is bearable, but all of it is very personal. I guess with poetry it has to be personal, and only someone going through the pain will ever understand the depth of thoughts the moment pen goes wild and words get a life of their own and poetry flows as if it was blood in my veins. None of the poems posted here were laboured over. all of them were written in a flow. So I guess I have a way with the words.
Should I write about the current issues? I don't feel up to it. the circus all around me is too self absorbed to serve any purpose writing about it.
So I can write about my passion, photography and music and movies and ideas I get for my movies. Nope. I like playing with them in my mind, the written medium kills the exuberance they have in my mind.
so what do I write about?
Nothing.....
that is what I have done in this post. I have written about Nothing.
And yes this was the original title of the blog.....
A Blog about Nothing.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Fibromyalgia
So I have Fibromyalgia, this is the latest diagnosis after a torrent of tests in last few days. Nothing came out positive, and yet the pain exists and is more disabling than ever.
Finally read about it here and it is a point by point description of all I have been through.
Phew at least now I know what I am suffering from.
Finally read about it here and it is a point by point description of all I have been through.
Phew at least now I know what I am suffering from.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Why am I sick
Somedays I feel like climbing to the top of a hill and screaming my lungs out, screaming about how I feel, how I hate being sick, how I am tired of trying to be good, how I hate myself.
Just then a voice inside my head says "Leave it man, who will do the hike"
I am sure there is a pattern here, my only problem I am not able to see it.
I am sure some good is coming out of me being perennially sick, but am not sure what is it.
Tomorrow I go to the doc again, and all he will say is that "there seems to be some infection, somewhere"
I am allergic to something, it might be Bangalore I guess.
Just then a voice inside my head says "Leave it man, who will do the hike"
I am sure there is a pattern here, my only problem I am not able to see it.
I am sure some good is coming out of me being perennially sick, but am not sure what is it.
Tomorrow I go to the doc again, and all he will say is that "there seems to be some infection, somewhere"
I am allergic to something, it might be Bangalore I guess.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
subdued mind, trying to seek patterns
in the chaos that surrounds it
colorful pyramids of light
playing the cosmic music in abundance
they dance and they light up some insight
and then they vanish without a trace
the constant throbbing at temples
involuntary breathing and pain from severed nerves
eyes with grainy vision
an itch where I cannot reach and scratch
an itch where it hurts the most
in the chaos that surrounds it
colorful pyramids of light
playing the cosmic music in abundance
they dance and they light up some insight
and then they vanish without a trace
the constant throbbing at temples
involuntary breathing and pain from severed nerves
eyes with grainy vision
an itch where I cannot reach and scratch
an itch where it hurts the most
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