Allure of Solitude

I seem to be doing something wrong
cannot get the hang of it
perhaps too desperate for good things
perhaps a bit naive as always
I have begin to expect I guess
the evil that expectations are
was untouched by them for some time
not prepared for the invasion
"protect yourself", screams out each pore
and yet I don't heed to warning
and plunge deep into treacherous currents
I deserve it, me thinks
for forgetting my own saying

"Allure of Solitude lies in it being perennial"

Scarlet is the color of choice

scarlet were you when I saw you
scarlet were your eyes
scarlet was rage in you
scarlet was desire
scarlet was the passion
the blood that gushed was scarlet too

Barnacles, thousands of blistering barnacles !!

Sitting at Pondi seafront, I saw some stones, partially submerged in
water. They had marine growth on them. This made me think of Barnacles
and the challenge they face to the sea faring vessels. Then I
questioned myself "why the hell do you know about barnacles" and
realized I read a book marine vessel maintenance as a kid.
I used to love book fairs. But didn't have money to spend buying
books. At best I would have 5-20 INR. Russian books were the coolest
stuff I could lay my hands on.
Choice of books was not decided by interest, but by how much it costs
and how big/thick it is. A bigger book presumably had more to offer.
It was in one such fair that I picked up my book about barnacles.

Had a big grin on my face when I concluded this chain of thought.

Happy Diwali

My blog I miss thee

Nothing reminds one of the blog than a bad day. I have had my share of bad days and today was another one I could add to the list. Started normally, but then somewhere it just went downhill and I for one did not try to recover. I let the whirlwinds of misfortune engulf me and stoke my fire of discontent.

Opened up to someone, felt embarrassed about the same. Got lectured by a few, did not feel anything about it. Was mistook, but did not care,  gave it back in kind. Was rejected, felt bad, but decided not to let my guard down.

Simple asks, small expectations and none of them can be met.

Hope to have a better day tomorrow.

In search of belief

Sore with discontent
Oblivion beckons
Fade out or live long
Perhaps not an option
Choices are illusions
Life a big lie
Return to innocense
Most desired
Loath and anguish
No logic to talk about
Haze of negativity
Call it depression
Yet it is life still
No pride no prejudice
Just an unflinching death wish
Nothing to hang on to
Or so it seems
Can this all end please
Cannot watch the re-runs again
Cannot see the downward spiral
Cannot live without belief
Cannot make room for belief as well.

Animal Within

Am an animal

a pig, an ape, a wolf

satiating the instincts, is all I seek

then I wear the robe of intellect

and have a mental fuck.