Watch it all burn

Sudden onset of melancholy
world is a depressing place right now

Famine, hunger and war

People dead and uprooted

a girl searching for her brothers killer

politicians making statements

Jackdaws are democratic

and humans morons

I wish to be in a better world

Place of peace, quiet and happy coexistence

People free of enforced rules and values

Some hurts are way to deep
Justified or not, thrive they do
Feeding fearful frenzy
Of being lonesome
Fretful needy soul
Craving to belong
To be given precedence over all
Acceptance of relegation does dawn
Misery gnaws at heart though
And mind seeks deliverance
From all that binds and all that holds
From the curse of breath
And nightmare of thoughts

reminiscing  comes easy these days

not that life was a bouquet of roses

small islands of happiness exist though

and in these I like to dwell at times

no substitute for touch though

or the glee of true human presence

hope allures as I indulge in reverie

imagining things to come

have come to pass

All the times

That feeling of inadequacy

the way it gnaws at one

no one to rescue

stuck in eternal loop

self damnation

collosal regret

for not being who I am not

handicap of unrequited desires

unfulfilled prophecies

like being stuck in quick sand

only way appears to be down

I wish I could be what I wanted

all the times

so it goes on

all that has been 

all that that was not

all that could have been

and all that I want

no end to asks of heart

and so it goes on

Quest

all the bindings

threads that pull at you, how deep you feel

detached, dissociative experiences  

how you reconcile with reality as you see it

I stick around and hope to alleviate pain

chasing me own quest of being whole

discerning how I have to find it within

Purgatory

How does one state

What is means to miss living

To know it and to put it to rest

And wait to be alive furthermore

inexplicable solitude

In midst of crowd and those hailed dear

Seeking one meaningful connect

To behold this existence and accept

To know the elixir of life

One drop, one oasis at a time

Visions for a demented soul

Voyaging through desert of life

They know to be whole

Know the missing bits of their soul

Perceptible yet out of reach

Purgatory is where they dwell

Small piles of gold

small piles of gold
that house you own
car you drive
clothes you wear
attachments you foster
expectations you build
rules you follow
rhythm of society 
live by and for, 
small piles of gold

Ignore the soul
unfettered freedom it desires
like a distant dream we dream
flowing with the tide of time
locust, the time
eating through our lives
will live tomorrow, one day, some day
promises hollowing our intentions
sitting on fence
ruing the very existence
bound like slaves in chains
to small piles of gold

conflicted mind
pure heart
misinterpreted actions
lonesome thoughts
imagined regrets
stomping of desires
bindings of fate
tethers of emotions
Last breath you take
none of this will matter
you shall cease to be
as will piles of gold

Smile

A haunting would best describe

what I have felt this life to be

can't ascribe a reason to wishes

can't ride or live on them either

pining for past present and yes future

knowing well the illusion of control

Why can't for once I be at peace

journey into nothingness

in search for equanimity

The smile is still the same

but eyes, they can't hide the pain

Yesterday was a low
today ain't it though
tomorrow would see
a whole new aspect of me
yet there is a constant
yearning perhaps, if I may

Why

peeking through memories
life not mine
window dressing deceives
make them seem mine
I ain't that thou
like Sy in OneHourPhoto
wish to be part of tableau
breathe and live a dream
wishes, oh they have wings
to fly far and high
no place to land though
just a dreamland to survive
melancholy of existence
flamed by false sense of loss
and a vision to die for

why do I live, oh why!

Wail

Hold on to the semblance of sanity
chaos anyways rules the soul
some wishes just can't be
no matter how the innards mourn

Deliverance be mine

gaping hole in the soul

discovered by fate

gnawing at his core

his incapability he knows

karma unfolding he understands

yearning he can't control

each day sobers his want

progression for peace

to be undone once more

for he is not worthy

of the gift he seeks

judgment bemoans

finality of binding causation

banality of his damnation

challenged to rise

bound down by chains

he bows to the destiny

"deliverance be mine"

 

  

What he saw

He saw himself in mirror

Off of veneers

Ugly, petty, selfish him

Inane, laughing, lunatic him

Delusional, hurt, diabolic him

Inconsolable, broken, loser him

Desperate, illogical, emotional him

Unloved, unappreciated, despicable him

Misunderstood, misrepresented, mistaken him

He saw himself long and hard

Stared into his eyes and did not blink

Till everything faded but the fiery dots

Ablaze as a funeral pyre

Lit up by some random hire

No today no tomorrow

No celebration no sorrow

Gone like a speck of dust

No one cared and why they would

His untended wants

His life lessons

His works of art

His silent obsession

Of that one word

How he wished to be called

Won't happen, it's not his to have

One thousand promises

Made and kept

No rhyme no reason

Yet still it hurts

Mortal Struggle

Something is not right

I am sure 

or I am delusional paranoid

hard to say which one it is

mind won't let me rest

heart ready to explode

or implode perhaps

hard to say which one it is

Immerse my senses or run fast

numb my senses or pretend

feel so alive, oh the pain

am I really alive, oh the pain

moments of bliss, welcome breeze

agony, misery, masochism in the same vein

bound, trapped yet freer than ever

loved, accepted yet lonelier than ever

count my blessings they say

flickering glow of a firefly

hope and despair

light and dark

mortal fight with mortal dilemmas

immortal path to immortal ideals

limits of body and limits of mind

limit transcendence, limit my life

soul free of vessel, I seek

pure consciousness 

devoid of pain

pure love, hope and peace incarnate

Vagabond, thats who

A vagabond, thats who

Searching for what

Elated and devastated

Alone yet with company

perpetrator  and sufferer alike

Lost in this life and that too

Looked for love, found illusions

Cherished and abandoned 

No grudges to hold

Trampled and misunderstood

Taken for granted and judged

No judgement or vengeance sought

A fool who believed the fable

Longing to belong

Undoing all

Labelled yet again

A vagabond, thats who

Pain so sweet

Heart in a blender

Feeling as raw as one could

seething mass of emotions

like big waves at a stormy sea

need to dive deep

away from the churn

find the pearls of wisdom

that bind us within

fickle mind treads on surface

eludes from peace to be had

to many what ifs and why nots

fight them all though I do

they keep coming back

and drown me out

I die and am reborn

with faith still intact

calm doesn't last long 

blender goes churning again

feels like purgatory of sorts

with heaven and hell in balance

give me strength give me wisdom

give me patience and let me be

show me how I can heal

give me fortitude, and gleaming hope

lift my blinds and let me run

make it bearable, this pain so sweet

for I want to live till it bears fruit

Find me some solace please

Pretending to be alright

with my heart in a vice

hazy vision, clouded thoughts

laboured breaths, heavy feet

a low that seems to drown

smile on my face

and a welcome song in heart

I force myself to hum

tone deaf cheery tune
every moment a fight 

denial of negativity

hope that i sow

it crumbles before it finds root

yet I keep sowing

waiting for benevolent rain

drench me in your essence

make me see what I see not

guide me, help me, rescue me

prayers after a long pause

not to lose self to dark

show me a glimmer

a light i can follow on

tell me to have heart

tell me it will be alright

remind me to love

remind me to live

remind me to be

Some Vs Most

Some days, things I will never be, bother me

Most days, things I am supposed to be, do motivate

Some days, the agony of desire derails me

Most days, I am able to keep a sane head

Some days, need for a warm body overwhelms

Most days, need for an understanding soul dominates

Some days, lows fog my brain and I yearn for light

Most days, light you shine sees me through

Why

What goes up, has to come down

Circles must be completed

Life must be celebrated

Misery must be endured

Melancholy must be embraced

Squalid quagmires of present reveled

Hope and faith nurtured

Belief for a deliverance nurtured

Overwhelmed by the tall ask

Knowing what the heart wants

Song that soul yearns for

Embrace that is truly mine

Love waiting beyond the chasm

Mind livid with current excess

Being sounds like a wail

Stars that guide don’t give warmth

Not just yet anyways

And the lows engulf, desolation descends

Darkness dances, eyes well over

Rage within wants the world to burn

Voices inside question existence

Why suffer, oh why at all

Why pretend to play

Make believe happiness

Live off the fumes at all