this is the end

I think I have finally decided what I want. the choice is not tough, though it asks a lot of me, but the realization that I have to kill myself the way I know it has dawned on me.
Freedom comes with a price, in my case it is loneliness, My mistake to open my mouth, don't have to do it anymore, I just have to keep it shut, shut with a big duct tape wrapped around it. I am evil and nothing inside of me is capable of any goodness. So just keep shut, don't challenge people don't interact with people, just be alone. no more sunday sermons, no more sermons on the hill.
kill and submit yourself to everybody around you, don't have to think anymore, don't have to feel anymore, just shut myself off from all the illusions. There is nothing called miracle, there is no dream, just an empty and meaningless life that I have to submit to, but I think eventually it would ease the pain. There is no point to anything, no cause or means is good enough to stand up to. every cause is relative, when Gandhi can be blamed for being an asshole, I am definitely an asshole, and I don't have to brag about being one.
nobody will accept or even try to comprehend what I am thinking, explain and I myself will land into dilemmas, senses lust for things that are not required, instincts lie, so don't submit to them, never.
and if you feel the sorrow, bow down and submit to the notion of god and pray for deliverance.............
that is what I have to do, kill myself completely, cause the basic belief that I had, that I have some inherent goodness in me, has come crumbling down. I am a sick asshole, a sick, very sick human being, or rather an animal. And nothing I do is going to change that. So I will heed to silence and submit my soul to the purgatory and let my requiem play loud.
finally to quote from one of my idols, Jim the fuckin' Morrison

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land

Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end



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In the end, it doesn't even matter........