Had a strange thought, in a way I don't even own the moments of my own life. They are shared with a lot of people. the Good, the bad and the ugly. How can I talk about those moments, without being prejudiced. The truth is that my thoughts are my own, I don't owe them to anyone. but my experiences are not just my own. If I were to write aboutmyself I will have to write about people in my life. I am not sure that it is the right time for the same. It might be right time for me, but not for them.
I have to find will once again, or maybe for the first time. I have to find a cause. I have to define a reward system for myself devoid of any pretenses.
Till now I have seen all but pretenses. I have met people trying to help others working for NGO's trying to give back something to the community. but just below the surface I have always found lurking, some in-authenticity about them. As if they were chasing a different dream, but eneded up here and are fine with it.
I am unable to do that to myself, I know that I have limitations, I know that I am obsessed with self, I know that I demand perfection from myself. But just now, I am tired, very tired and don't seem to have the will to go on, the will to wage war. And by the way, war against whom??
My enemy is as nameless and as faceless as myself.
Will love bloom??
Who am I to say after all I am not the man in charge of "Garden of Eden"
We all have vices
Vices thrive in harmony, if you have one, be assured that you have the others too, they are just hidden beneath your skin, but they are there. And it is ok for them to be there. Without them you will no longer be a Human.
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
1 comment:
I recommed you to read "Siddhartha" by Hermen Hesse. When you have read it, you'd know why I say so.
If you want I could mail you an e-book.
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