Gettting over people

I have this almost suffocating fixation with a character, and the funniest part is that he is not even from my life. I call him a character, but he is a living human, who has blessed the mother earth with his presence for quite a reasonable time. This character haunted me, questioned me, allured me to the dark side of me, but never has he let me be in peace.
The question I ask myself is "How do I kill this son of a gun" how do I make him go away, how do I exorcise his ghost? But the answers are not forthcoming.
Well today of all days, I really am not keen about wasting my time writing about him, but he catches me unawares and asks me to write about him. All I share with this guy is one common link, one common link can be devastating enough to give you sleepless nights (well no one can do that to me, cause I sleep like a log), but he has given me everything short of that.
So here I write an Obituary, I am not sure if this is right, if I am even supposed to do that, but I have to kill this guy man.
Or do I have to kill myself :-)

So here it goes...........................

Indians are the keenest of lot when it comes to celebrating a loser.
Once in a while, there comes along a loser who is all encompassing in his celebration of being a loser. Today I celebrate the loss of one such loser. The guy who believed that he had guts to say "Balls to the world", but didn't have the balls to actually do it. Our eternal hero died a thousand deaths before the final one. Each one of his death taught him something new about himself, they taught him lessons of tolerance, how to deal with humiliation, how to accept that one is a loser, how to live life meek size, how to celebrate mediocrity, how to be all accepting, how to be objective, how to sell ones soul for cheap.
He also learnt how to treat people badly, but since he couldn't go the full way he left them with mixed feelings and some of them do sympathize with the loss.
to sum it all up, I would quote from Ghalib

Kahoon kis se main ki kya hai
Shabe gham buri bala hai
mujhe kya bura tha marna
agar ek baar hota

Finally he achieved what he most longed for, perfect oblivion, perfect solitude.




--
"Poetry is not turning lose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.
But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things."
-T.S.Eliot

Enjoy

Something is troubling me, don't know what, I guess I am at cross-roads again. There is a strong feeling that something is going to happen, and the worst part is that it might not be all pleasant. Life still goes on though, but there are moments of deep impact, when I loose all the thoughts positive or negative and just sulk, well not sulk either, I just don't know what I do. I get caught in this whirlwind of emotions where I feel that nothing in my life is right. I feel that I am stuck with something, with everything that has its own design, I am bound by so many reasons that I don't see any reason at all.
I guess it is time to bring in some learning from LandMark. This is how my life would be, this is my "certain future" I would languish like this all my life and there is nothing that I can do about it, nothing at all. I will loath myself always, I would look down upon myself always, I will always feel that I am not man enough to take control of my life. More so the thoughts and feelings that I have will also remain the same.
So if nothing is going to change I might as well enjoy the ride, there is no point of cribbing........
Does it help, well for this to help I really have to let the thought that "nothing has changed, nothing will change, nothing can change", settle down, settle down to the depth of nothingness and then once I have whole heartedly accepted it, I rise, as if from dead and become OK with life once again.
If you cannot avoid the Rape, lie down, relax and enjoy the fuck

--
Carry on oh hopeless mortal
try to live with hope of love
connive yourself into belief
collude yourself into yielding

Na main hota to kya hota

Remembered a couplet from Ghalib

Hua jab gham se yoon behis
to gham kya sar ke katne ka
na hota gar juda tan se
to zaanon par dhara hota


na tha kuch to khuda tha
kuch na hota to khuda hota
duboya mujh ko hone ne
na main hota to kya hota

hui muddat ki ghalib mar gaya
par yaad aata hai
tera har baat par kehna
ki yoon hota to kya hota

Final Call

the promise of peace
the fable of tranquility
the desolate landscape of desert
not even a single blade of grass
no life, just cold
come oh sweetheart of mine
come oh angel of death
and kiss my lips
take away all the pain
take away all the longing
make my solitude one with thee
let my soul take thou wings
and fly over the deepest of oceans
and fly into the burning bowels

oh angel of death
burn me on the pyre
and let the incense of burning flesh
fill up all my senses
bury me in the wet earth
and let me be crushed
by the weight of the mother earth
let me rot
and be pecked by scavengers
for I want to return
to the elements from where I came
dust to dust
fire to fire


be a true love I think you to be
and give me deliverance
oh angel of death

Premonition revisited

She is sick, she says that the situation is alarming; she says that she is not recovering anymore. I tell her don't get tense, just take it easy, she says that "you are there, why should I get tense". This registers with me. But I am incapable of saying anything else. I know she is in pain, deep physical pain, at times I feel like telling her to go. I feel like telling her to depart, relinquish her soul and be one with the source she so much believes in, she is religious.
I am not sure what are her expectations of me; a life lived in sorrow, pain humiliation, at hands of in laws, at hands of her husband, at hands of her son. She probably has no one who loved her without expecting anything. I have the premonition of a death. But I want it to be pleasant, pleasant for her. She should leave without feeling that there is something incomplete left behind. But am I to sacrifice myself for her, am I to feel responsible for her, I am not sure. At least I will try to be…..

Oh woman of suffering
Oh slave of destiny
Oh shadow of sorrow
Oh goddess of hope
Forgive me for all my indiscretions
forgive me for being a son
forgive me for being myself


--
Carry on oh hopeless mortal
try to live with hope of love
connive yourself into belief
collude yourself into yielding

Meaning of the word

Solitude, what does the word mean..

1. The state or quality of being alone or remote from others.
2. A lonely or secluded place.

Synonyms: solitude, isolation, seclusion, retirement

These nouns denote the state of being alone. Solitude implies the absence of all others: "The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship" (Francis Bacon). "I love tranquil solitude" (Percy Bysshe Shelley). Isolation emphasizes total separation or detachment from others: "the isolation of Crusoe, depicted by Defoe's genius" (Winston Churchill). Seclusion suggests removal, though not necessarily complete inaccessibility; the term often connotes a withdrawal from social contact: enjoyed my walk in the seclusion of the woods. Retirement suggests a withdrawal or retreat from active life, as for serenity or privacy: "an elegant sufficiency, content,/Retirement, rural quiet, friendship, books" (James Thomson).

 

Need I say more? Perfect Solitude would mean being totally removed from the world and the people therein. It would mean no expectations, no responsibilities, just plain existence, and totally free existence. Now this is something to aspire for.

Not really, will be uttered by those who don't really understand the power this will bring in. Being able to control all your negative emotions, emotions that get in your way of living life comfortably, all these would be gone and one can live life as per his/her wishes, never ever depending on someone for solace.

This is difficult to achieve, but not impossible; this is what all the seers have achieved.

--
Carry on oh hopeless mortal
try to live with hope of love
connive yourself into belief
collude yourself into yielding

in love with the word

Why am i so in love with the word Solitude. Is it because i see it as my ultimate destiny. Because I accept, unlike some others, that solitude can be bliss too. So big a solitude that you are self sufficient in it. One would be complete in its solitude.
and when having attained it, the person walks into life, he is happy, very happy, because now he is totally removed from world. He could use people if he wanted, he could have killed if he wanted, he would have the power of being emotionless. But I guess he will choose good over evil then, and be a peaceful man, trying to make people happy.
chains of solitude is my tribute to the search of solitude


--
Carry on oh hopeless mortal
try to live with hope of love
connive yourself into belief
collude yourself into yielding