Something is troubling me, don't know what, I guess I am at cross-roads again. There is a strong feeling that something is going to happen, and the worst part is that it might not be all pleasant. Life still goes on though, but there are moments of deep impact, when I loose all the thoughts positive or negative and just sulk, well not sulk either, I just don't know what I do. I get caught in this whirlwind of emotions where I feel that nothing in my life is right. I feel that I am stuck with something, with everything that has its own design, I am bound by so many reasons that I don't see any reason at all.
I guess it is time to bring in some learning from LandMark. This is how my life would be, this is my "certain future" I would languish like this all my life and there is nothing that I can do about it, nothing at all. I will loath myself always, I would look down upon myself always, I will always feel that I am not man enough to take control of my life. More so the thoughts and feelings that I have will also remain the same.
So if nothing is going to change I might as well enjoy the ride, there is no point of cribbing........
Does it help, well for this to help I really have to let the thought that "nothing has changed, nothing will change, nothing can change", settle down, settle down to the depth of nothingness and then once I have whole heartedly accepted it, I rise, as if from dead and become OK with life once again.
If you cannot avoid the Rape, lie down, relax and enjoy the fuck
--
Carry on oh hopeless mortal
try to live with hope of love
connive yourself into belief
collude yourself into yielding
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