Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not in the contentment. Love was an ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself
~ Inheritance of Loss
   <Kiran Desai>

Of Gods and Goddesses

My mom told me this story today, I was having my lunch along with Ganesh when the topic veered off to religion and gods. She would have been 4 years old and was playing with a long bamboo spline, she would burn the end of the spline in the embers of earthen stove and will move it round in circles to see the pattern formed by the red burning end in dark of the room.

Her aunt (paternal aunt) told her not to do the same, she told her that if she keeps doing it "sheron waali maata" or maa Bhagwati, will come out of the photograph hanging on the wall and scold her. My mom didn't like what was told to her and kept staring at the photo-frame. After some time she figured that no one can come out of that photo-frame and stuck out her tongue to the goddess, teasing her, asking her for her wrath. Nothing happened, she did it once more, and kept staring at the photo-frame. What follows next is amazing. She says that she felt some sort of a figure came out from the adjacent photo-frame and entered the frame where goddess was sitting on her tiger, the goddess pointed her finger at my mom and told the figure that she is the one who has been dis-respectful. The figure ran towards my mom carrying a smouldering "angeethi" on his head. mom was scared for sometime, but regained her composure, and reasoned that she was imagining stuff. She again stuck out her tongue in a teasing way at the goddess, this time the vision of the figure wouldn't leave her. She doesn't remember anything more, she might have screamed, or hid under the bed, or ran, she doesn't remember. 

true lies

sifting through the sands of time
trying to make out truth from lies
i realize that there is no telling the truth
everything is a lie, everything is a truth
the moments color the perception
emotions add the hues
shades of jealousy are evident
and the theme is painted by possessiveness
hypocrisies blend it all
and we paint it in shadow of our ugliness
then the picture is ground by the ego
till truth and lies are inseparable
like twins in a womb





--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

generally speaking

Sometime back I stopped writing about the movies I have been watching. I did so because I was just posting about the movies and nothing else. It felt weird, This blog was about nothing so it cannot become of movies :-)

anyway, I have not stopped watching movies though and I am using unlimited membership from seventymm to the max.

Nothing much is happening apart from that though, life has kind of mellowed down and settled down, so I am waiting for the next chance I get to disrupt it.
--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

...

I saw you alright, but I am not noticing you yet

you have come at the wrong moment

and I cannot be your destiny

I cannot yield to myself anymore

and yes the flame has died down

there is nothing more appealing here

than the wrinkles on old skin

or the paint peeling off the roofs

the rails are rusting and windows don't shut

and this place has not seen a living soul

in millions of years.......

so don't try to come in now

because no one is welcome anymore

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Alice in NormalLand

In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean.. In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song..
These words borrowed from "alice in wonderland" have always captivated me, but off late the person I used to associate them with has become kind of anti thesis of the same :-)
It is strange what love can do :-)

Love re-defined

Read it somewhere, love is nothing but a chemical addiction between two people...
I think this line of reasoning holds a lot of weight.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

इल्तेजा

वोह जो निशान् बाक़ी रह गए हैं
उन्हें मिटा दो,
मेरे कहे जो सवाल हैं
उन्हें भुला दो
जहाँ कुछ याद ना रहे
ऐसे जहाँ मैं ले चलो
जहाँ तुम्हें भीड़ मैं ना खोजूं
तुम्हारे गुम होने पर अश्रु ना बहें
तुम्हारे मिल जाने पर आँख नम ना हो
तुम रकीब भी ना हो
और अपने भी नहीं

songs that I sung are off key now

places I visited fading away

only thing left of love is illusion

to get lost is no more romantic

to fall no more exciting

have to collect some dues

some more insane trips of pleasure

some more howling for ecstasy

some more drunken stupors

and then I would walk on

with chains around my heart

and dead weight on my ankles

 

Maya Memsaab

I always had this grudge that I have not seen Maya Memsaab, I had loved the concept back then as a kid, I had been excited about it, I wanted to fall in love with Maaya, just like the nubile SRK. But I am glad I didn't see the movie back then, I would have loved the movie then too, but would have failed to comprehend it.

Watching Maya Memsaab was a treat. The way Maya begins with innocent love and ends up in all consuming passionate hatred, self loath.

And all she wants is freedom from herself. and then the fact that you can take away from movie whatever ending you want to imagine.

Jazba hai junoon hai yeh kaisi maya hai :-)

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Immortality

Have been reading "Immortality" by Milan Kundera, and I must say, just when I thought that I had learned all I could from his books I get some more insights into human behaviour. This guy writes a true novel, his books are meant to be read and digested. I don't think anyone can do justice to make a movie out of his novels.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

she is a woman too

she loves beautiful

she cares beautiful

but beware she loathes too

she prays beautiful

she dreams beautiful

but beware she curses too

she walks beautiful

she talks beautiful

but beware she seduces too

She writes beautiful

she thinks beautiful

but beware she bites too

she is hope incarnate

she is peace incarnate

but beware she is evil too

she is a child

she is a mother

but beware she is a woman too

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Radio blares incoherent songs

people speak excitedly about music

billboards advertise wares

there are outlets everywhere

the lights are bright and night still young

and the road never ends

there is a girl in silhouette
a woman with torn clothes

waiting for traffic to stop

waiting so that she can beg

children carry smaller children

all scamper to the cars

ask for mercy and alms

unrelenting we sit and ignore

this is an industry now a days

my friend explains

people living on street?

cannot be an industry i muse

but am as big a hypocrite as them

so do nothing to appease myself

Far away somewhere, someone waits for me

I don't know where home is

I am lost in this neverland

I wish i had wings to soar

to go up and see the beacon of love

but i feel too tired to even budge

and i let the loud noises play

for the benefit of all around

so that we can all drown

and become one with noise

death before death

Death each day we live

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Lost souls

A river meandering through nowhere
a sea with no shore line
a boulder on top of a monolith
waiting to roll down
believers gathered at the bottom
waiting for revelation
waiting for gods to speak
they took the journey through the seas
souls lost in ocean for eternity
till they reach the river which meanders
and now at the bottom of the monolith
they wait to rekindle their faith
All is not lost they hope
among them is a lover too
one who has ceased to feel
and he tirelessly prays for magic
redemption is caught in bureaucracy
and everyone waits

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."
-Woody Allen

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Leaving Las Vegas

Lemme see, I will have to use all my faculties to make sense of what I am about to type, because the fact of the matter is that I am drunk, drunk more than I would care to admit, but lets forget me for a second and talk about the movie that I just watched. "Leaving Las Vegas" I don't know, I can call it American Devdas ( not the mopvie, but the novel by Sharat Chandra) , or I can call it anything else i want, but the fact is that I couldn't have seen this movie any other way.
He wants to drink himself to death, doesn't know if he wants to die because he drinks or he drinks because he wants to die, only thing he knows for sure is that he wants to drink himself to death.
She is in the most honourable and honest profession, prostitution. She is a hooker in Las Vegas.
and he comes to Las Vegas to die. And their's is one of the most beautiful love story.
Maybe I am a masochist, or maybe i understand the fickleness of human life better than all those around me, or maybe I am too drunk, but i loved the movie.
I started watching the movie, while I was still sober and got myself drunk by the time it ended.
I loved Nicholas Cage, his Oscar was well deserved, Elisabaeth Shue, missed it to Susan Sarandon, for dead man walking, but i guess life is not always fair, she was absolutely a sweetheart in the movie.
This was a heavy weight year btw, Usual suspects, dead man walking, apollo 13, babe, bridges of madison county, Casino, Nixon... man there were so many good movies lined up that year.

This is not a movie for everyone, as i read in one of the reviews, psychiatrists should form an ideal audience :-) but none the less, I could understand the want to destroy oneself and want to fade away in oblivion.

Love this movie, one of the best i have ever seen.

once upon a time in Mexico

This is Robert Rodriguez's third (and hopefully the last) movie in "El Mariachi" series. Let me tell you before you jump to any conclusions, I am a big Desperado fan, I loved the movie because of its sheer brilliance in style. But "Once upon a time in Mexico" seems like a ghost of Desperado. Characters are there, but the conviction is lacking.
Some of the characters are under developed, for example Eva Mendes is completely wasted, Johnny Depp is good, but Willem Dafoe is wasted. Too many plots and subplots and the whole story gets lost.
At best a time pass fare....

X-Men III

A nice timepass fare, you will ove it if you like comics and fantasies, I would say a good action film.

Ray

I don't think anything needs to be said about this movie, except for probably an apology for catching up on it after 3 years.

Bheja Fry

Simply mind blowing :-) The narrative is very tight, the script is superb and let's say everyone except Ranvir Shorey is a pleasure to watch :-)

Have to watch this one to experience "Bheja Fry". Some of the moments will stay for long with you all and will become part of lingua franca. Can't forget the "Tharki" scene from the movie..

Sideways

one of the rare movies that absorbes you in the plot and characters and makes you feel one with them, there is no one larger than life, but both the leads are trying to come to terms with life. Two unlikely friends, go on a wine tasting trip for a week, before one of them gets married.

Miles (Paul Giamatti) is a sensitive writer, who has been trying very hard to get published, the shadow of his failed marriage and love with his ex wife, looms large on his psyche and even after 2 years he is unwilling to move on, in fact he has lost the want to move on, he is caught in his litost and celebrates it.

Jack (Thomas Haden Church), is an actor, who is finding the mid-life a bit tough since his acting career never took off as it was supposed to take off, he is getting married to some money bag and it is the most important thing to have happened to him, but he wants to have one last week of prolonged philandering, before he gives up his freedom and settles down.

Miles is depressed and Jack is desperate and together they make a hilarious set, trying to come to terms with life on their own terms.

It is a heartwarming movie that makes you see the irony and pain of life, through subtle humour.

A must see

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

useless trivia

1. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
2. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
3. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.
4. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
5. You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
6. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten.
7. In every episode of "Seinfeld" there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere.
8. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
9. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
10. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
11. The word "maverick" came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded calf became known as a Maverick.
12. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
13. Hedenophobic means fear of pleasure.
14.  An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. A "jiffy" is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second.
17. A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.
18.  If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
19. A "quidnunc" is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.
20. In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
21. If you plant an apple seed, it is almost guaranteed to grow a tree of a different type of apple.
22. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.
23. There is no solid proof of who built the Taj Mahal.
24. In a survey of 200000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.
25. You can lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
26. At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.
27. In "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.
28. In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself.
29. The "if" and "then" parts of conditional ("if P then Q") statement are called the protasis (P) and apodosis (Q).
30. Only female mosquitoes bite.
31. Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.
32. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel.
33. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Wedding Crashers...

Some really funny moments, some hilarious chemistry and same old cliche of falling in love and relinquishing the mindless chase, to bed as many women as you can. All in all a good time pass.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

V For Vendetta

Just finished watching "V for Vendetta", Yes I know I am pretty late in catching up the said movie, but better late than never.

I really liked the movie, I am a sucker for these kind of larger than life movies, that make me forget everything else and make me believe for sometime that all humanity can unite for a cause, that freedom and liberty can rule and that all we need is one superhero to set the world right :-)

Wish I was that superhero.....

but I would have been a real evil one i guess.

Anyway I loved the movie, I remember watching Star wars "Phantom Menace" when i was in college, I picked up a tube light from my room (to be precise Tyagi's room) and went down to Raju's canteen, feeling like a Jedi Knight, yes movies do that to me, that is why I want to make movies, movies are my life.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial

I walk towards the golden sunset again
tired and unwilling to go on
have walked enough to know the futility of it all
have seen enough to have the want to shut out
have been a vagabond all my life
no place to call home
no place to seek solace
sought solace is all trivialities i could engage
now I have run out of  destinations
I have run out of reason
just want to lie back and go to sleep
Dreams please don't trouble me again
hopes please don't shower yourself unto me
Woods are peaceful
mountain is senile
flowers are beautiful
soon, just wait
--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

nothing to say

Want to post something but nothing comes to my mind, I have sort of gone blank, does it mean I don't have anythign to say anymore?? Or is this a pointer that I am too absorbed in my own world. But even on personal front i find nothing to say, nothing worth saying, nothing that has not been put down already. things have not changed. Have they stagnated then??

 

Watched Bheja-Fry this Sunday, and I must say i loved the movie.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

I didn't know the height to which i would rise

I didn't know the depth to which i would fall

didn't know what i felt and how intensely

didn't know if I would cope up or languish

didn't know if hate will ruin the love or love will win

didn't know what hit me when it hit me

don't know if i truly understand it even now

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Crazy dream

In a strange land, where time moves is circles

they rear them everyday, everyday is the same

animals, some you have seen, some unseen

humans, some you know of, some you don't

with dawn they are all born,

and vanish with dusk

each one is an incarnation of truth

lost long ago someplace

 

as the day progresses

you see the safari as never seen before

animals don't know their character

beasts are docile, bovines are aggressive

in a world gone Topsy-turvy

rhinoceros are playful of all

they let you bathe them, they let you be close

all humans have plastic smiles

I recognize a few faces here

but most of them don't register

 

It feels I have woken up from deep slumber

for i think something is wrong

as the evening approaches

all are ushered into big bath chambers

where they are washed away 

i see the man opposite me

scars appear on his face

his face starts to melt

his legs give way

but he doesn't feel the pain

he is a lump of mass now

but i can still make out the hint of a grin

 

now it is my turn

and I am not too sure

i feel my skin splitting open

but there is no pain

I rejoice in the pouring liquid

and forget everything about the day

days are the same here

and it is an eternity we have lived

 

but now i question it

why, i am not sure

I think i remember yesterday

i think i remember the time going in circles

i think i understand what is happening

i think i have seen the pattern

I pat the rhino again

steer clear from the bovines

i stand on the same balcony

overlooking the mayhem below

i feel the discontent rising in me

i feel it has to end

 

come evening and the same ritual ensues

humans first take all the animals to wash

and then line up for the ritual bath

I am not too keen this time around

and i desecrate the age old wisdom of the land

i somehow keep away

and watch as others get lost

i feel my skin getting stretched and parched

 

 

I see some folks now

they bring me a liquid to apply

i put it on my body and am as good as new

they take me with them to a different land

and let me wander there

 

this land is a bit different

the time still goes in circles

but this time people persist

they are so many of them here

all alike, all image of one another

they walk as the sun goes up

they all seem happy

i see familiar faces now

I think i remember these faces

from a different life time

I walk along with them

but something is still wrong

none of them knows, why they are here

they say they are going for a ritual wash

this time they don't melt

with eyes glazed they come out

and meet me for the first time again

 

time goes round in circles here too

and I have to look for a way out.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

all fools day at Gmail

Google guys know for sure how to go about "All fools day"

check this out if you are not convinced, I am not sure how many of the guys kept looking for "Paper Archive" button.

 

http://mail.google.com/mail/help/paper/index.html

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Annie's Song - John Denver

You fill up me senses like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home