Ghosts of Anguish

Will the ghosts ever lie down and rest

they rose from the anguish of the soul

in an instant of morbid pain

and they have kept him haunted

he walks like a zombie

trying to escape the wrath they inflict

like true ghosts, they cannot be seen 

but by the one who is haunted.

They concoct ethereal images of despair

string of events with cause and effect

the cause often misunderstood

the effect that doesn't seem to heal

tortured soul asking for reprieve

everything in sight,broken and shattered

logic defied by slew of perspectives

they show up when least expected

and draw the life force out of him

he is happy in a moment of ignorant bliss

and the next moment finds him in abyss

triggered by thoughts he cannot control

powered by mind he cannot fight

They dance around him

like long shadows around a bonfire

fire of his soul flickers

by the constant pokes from these shadows

and he loses the will to live

Destination Nowhere

I read a book
it doesn't seem to end
thousand pages i have read
and yet the end is nowhere near
characters keep appearing and vanishing
no apparent design no apparent destiny
sarcasm without wit
irony without intent
maybe i should finish this chapter
close the book and pick up another one
Perhaps I have to read this one
cover to cover

a trail of talking pictures
it seems like the soap opera
it never ends
new twists, new plots
new actors for old cliches
facts stranger than fiction
no sir, no truth here
just an unabashed indulgence
no shame, no remorse
take it or leave it
but leave it i can't
the reels keep rolling
am glued to the spot
till end credits roll out

I witnessed death the other day
a giant came from behind my left
missed me by a few feet
carved an arc towards my right
mangling everything in its way
for a moment there was deafening silence
followed by a wail from a child
then the honking to get out of way
people rushing to destinations
destinations important than crushed humans
I stopped for a few moments
then continued on my course too
shaken but not stirred

Venom and lonliness

A creepy crawling snake
wrapped around a twig
slithering its way
up the rotten branch
remnants of a tree trunk
after termites had there way
the branch snaps
the snake falls down
creepy crawly snake
the vicious venomous snake
it is hurt and it is hurt bad
oh please will no one help it
It tosses in agony
poor helpless snake
everyone is scared of it
yet all it wants
is not to be alone just then

walking a lone path

Fallen petals from wilted flowers

spread on the  road to horizon

bloom is over, warmth is receding

it is going to be a long night

last hint of light at horizon faints

and we are left alone

I didn't see the clouds come in

did you?

the stars and moon have disappeared

under the thick blanket

It will pour soon

lets get cosy in some place dry

will you?

I search frantically for cover

everything is so dark now

can't see my hands in front of me

and yet hurry we must

can you?

We let go of each others hand

and now we are lost in this abyss

suddenly I am scared

have I lost you forever

i call out you name

i wait for you to call

did you?

Stranger in strange land

Strange is the land on which he treads
seeking blood for vengeance within
he stops and sniffs, yes there is hatred here
someone will fall for the false hope again
some eyes will always be moist
some hearts will beat with deception
someone will be every ones fool

he enters a cave marked red
a thousand eyes stare back unconvinced
they have seen the ascent
they have witnessed the retreat
the darkness engulfs him now
and yet he keeps walking along
something is squelching under his feet
some faded whimpers, some squealed threats
he can't see what he treads on
unseen unnoticed unforgiven,
they die under his feet

just as sudden is the advent of light
his feet are red, blood red, red
his hand still holds the sword of malice
and he wears the shield of ignorance
forever protected in his own heaven
oblivious of any agony but his own
he yearns for satisfaction
he yearns for instant gratification

It keeps raining

It keeps raining
everything has become damp
I can feel the mist inside my head
wooden doors don't close anymore
windows don't shut to keep the water out
I feel like drowning in this flood
and it keeps raining still

The food i eat is moist with water
thoughts are laden with crumbling wetness
eyes are always on verge of tears
skin yearns for some dryness someplace
someplace without the slimy touch
the rot is rot deep now
and it is raining still

the haze in my mind is getting dense
the coldness of solitude disturbs me
it plays peek-a-boo
catching me unawares each time
clouds have cluttered out all the light
I ride around desperately
seeking golden sunshine
and yet it rains still
it rains cats and dogs

Lost Cause

A thousand ships sail towards sun
each one carrying the hope of life
each searching for the island of life
sails set high, urgency in air
cover the maximum ground
or drown in the star dust
burnt by sun, skin peeling off
they still manoeuvre the vessel
charting set co-ordinates
under the shade of stars

the last of the scions
the last of the czars
the last of humanity
all bundled up inside
scrouging over morsels
already inhuman
they are the lost hope
oblivious of the fire
concerned about nothing
they fight the trivialities

No redemption sought
yet the men at top
toil so hard
to set the right course
time will make them see perhaps
the cause that was already lost

The land white
sky purest of blue
settlements rising on distant hills
taking the form of the hill
the lines of slope
going all the way up to the hilltop
then suddenly bursting into a monastery
flags flying high
chants flowing along with wind
people humbled by nature
searching the meaning of life
yet life continues in the wretches of nature
no rain, no snow, a few lakes and desolation
a cold desert, with a few specks of life
hard mountains, soft valleys
a few passes here and there
here nature is unforgiving
it will eat you alive if you stray
no help for thousands of miles
and yet people want to live
no conveniences of a sprawling metropolis
no rapid transport systems
a lonely walk down the hill to fill water
a steep climb uphill to the destination
life slowed down to enable sustenance
life slowed down to a breathtaking reverie

You Are 84% Feminist

You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man). You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.

Are You a Feminist?

Evil

You Are 48% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Maybe i need a haircut
or maybe i need a new head
when nothing fits
one has to be one's own tailor
a fish eye lens would help
to see all at the same time
a ride up in clouds will comfort
and when we fall, no one will complain
lust for life will be quenched
by the fire from hell
and the innocents will walk
the sinners will fly
the pious will crawl
nothing will be real
nothing really is
maybe i need a haircut
maybe i need a new head

vanish

Desperation again, delusion revisited
unreal reality, imagined homeland
mythical fables, illusionary expectations
we live in make believe world
not a single shred of truth around
each one of us running
towards a distant horizon
no sign of arriving, no sign of travel
and then one day we all vanish

Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not in the contentment. Love was an ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself
~ Inheritance of Loss
   <Kiran Desai>

Of Gods and Goddesses

My mom told me this story today, I was having my lunch along with Ganesh when the topic veered off to religion and gods. She would have been 4 years old and was playing with a long bamboo spline, she would burn the end of the spline in the embers of earthen stove and will move it round in circles to see the pattern formed by the red burning end in dark of the room.

Her aunt (paternal aunt) told her not to do the same, she told her that if she keeps doing it "sheron waali maata" or maa Bhagwati, will come out of the photograph hanging on the wall and scold her. My mom didn't like what was told to her and kept staring at the photo-frame. After some time she figured that no one can come out of that photo-frame and stuck out her tongue to the goddess, teasing her, asking her for her wrath. Nothing happened, she did it once more, and kept staring at the photo-frame. What follows next is amazing. She says that she felt some sort of a figure came out from the adjacent photo-frame and entered the frame where goddess was sitting on her tiger, the goddess pointed her finger at my mom and told the figure that she is the one who has been dis-respectful. The figure ran towards my mom carrying a smouldering "angeethi" on his head. mom was scared for sometime, but regained her composure, and reasoned that she was imagining stuff. She again stuck out her tongue in a teasing way at the goddess, this time the vision of the figure wouldn't leave her. She doesn't remember anything more, she might have screamed, or hid under the bed, or ran, she doesn't remember. 

true lies

sifting through the sands of time
trying to make out truth from lies
i realize that there is no telling the truth
everything is a lie, everything is a truth
the moments color the perception
emotions add the hues
shades of jealousy are evident
and the theme is painted by possessiveness
hypocrisies blend it all
and we paint it in shadow of our ugliness
then the picture is ground by the ego
till truth and lies are inseparable
like twins in a womb





--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

generally speaking

Sometime back I stopped writing about the movies I have been watching. I did so because I was just posting about the movies and nothing else. It felt weird, This blog was about nothing so it cannot become of movies :-)

anyway, I have not stopped watching movies though and I am using unlimited membership from seventymm to the max.

Nothing much is happening apart from that though, life has kind of mellowed down and settled down, so I am waiting for the next chance I get to disrupt it.
--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

...

I saw you alright, but I am not noticing you yet

you have come at the wrong moment

and I cannot be your destiny

I cannot yield to myself anymore

and yes the flame has died down

there is nothing more appealing here

than the wrinkles on old skin

or the paint peeling off the roofs

the rails are rusting and windows don't shut

and this place has not seen a living soul

in millions of years.......

so don't try to come in now

because no one is welcome anymore

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Alice in NormalLand

In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean.. In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song..
These words borrowed from "alice in wonderland" have always captivated me, but off late the person I used to associate them with has become kind of anti thesis of the same :-)
It is strange what love can do :-)

Love re-defined

Read it somewhere, love is nothing but a chemical addiction between two people...
I think this line of reasoning holds a lot of weight.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

इल्तेजा

वोह जो निशान् बाक़ी रह गए हैं
उन्हें मिटा दो,
मेरे कहे जो सवाल हैं
उन्हें भुला दो
जहाँ कुछ याद ना रहे
ऐसे जहाँ मैं ले चलो
जहाँ तुम्हें भीड़ मैं ना खोजूं
तुम्हारे गुम होने पर अश्रु ना बहें
तुम्हारे मिल जाने पर आँख नम ना हो
तुम रकीब भी ना हो
और अपने भी नहीं

songs that I sung are off key now

places I visited fading away

only thing left of love is illusion

to get lost is no more romantic

to fall no more exciting

have to collect some dues

some more insane trips of pleasure

some more howling for ecstasy

some more drunken stupors

and then I would walk on

with chains around my heart

and dead weight on my ankles

 

Maya Memsaab

I always had this grudge that I have not seen Maya Memsaab, I had loved the concept back then as a kid, I had been excited about it, I wanted to fall in love with Maaya, just like the nubile SRK. But I am glad I didn't see the movie back then, I would have loved the movie then too, but would have failed to comprehend it.

Watching Maya Memsaab was a treat. The way Maya begins with innocent love and ends up in all consuming passionate hatred, self loath.

And all she wants is freedom from herself. and then the fact that you can take away from movie whatever ending you want to imagine.

Jazba hai junoon hai yeh kaisi maya hai :-)

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Immortality

Have been reading "Immortality" by Milan Kundera, and I must say, just when I thought that I had learned all I could from his books I get some more insights into human behaviour. This guy writes a true novel, his books are meant to be read and digested. I don't think anyone can do justice to make a movie out of his novels.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

she is a woman too

she loves beautiful

she cares beautiful

but beware she loathes too

she prays beautiful

she dreams beautiful

but beware she curses too

she walks beautiful

she talks beautiful

but beware she seduces too

She writes beautiful

she thinks beautiful

but beware she bites too

she is hope incarnate

she is peace incarnate

but beware she is evil too

she is a child

she is a mother

but beware she is a woman too

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Radio blares incoherent songs

people speak excitedly about music

billboards advertise wares

there are outlets everywhere

the lights are bright and night still young

and the road never ends

there is a girl in silhouette
a woman with torn clothes

waiting for traffic to stop

waiting so that she can beg

children carry smaller children

all scamper to the cars

ask for mercy and alms

unrelenting we sit and ignore

this is an industry now a days

my friend explains

people living on street?

cannot be an industry i muse

but am as big a hypocrite as them

so do nothing to appease myself

Far away somewhere, someone waits for me

I don't know where home is

I am lost in this neverland

I wish i had wings to soar

to go up and see the beacon of love

but i feel too tired to even budge

and i let the loud noises play

for the benefit of all around

so that we can all drown

and become one with noise

death before death

Death each day we live

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Lost souls

A river meandering through nowhere
a sea with no shore line
a boulder on top of a monolith
waiting to roll down
believers gathered at the bottom
waiting for revelation
waiting for gods to speak
they took the journey through the seas
souls lost in ocean for eternity
till they reach the river which meanders
and now at the bottom of the monolith
they wait to rekindle their faith
All is not lost they hope
among them is a lover too
one who has ceased to feel
and he tirelessly prays for magic
redemption is caught in bureaucracy
and everyone waits

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."
-Woody Allen

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Leaving Las Vegas

Lemme see, I will have to use all my faculties to make sense of what I am about to type, because the fact of the matter is that I am drunk, drunk more than I would care to admit, but lets forget me for a second and talk about the movie that I just watched. "Leaving Las Vegas" I don't know, I can call it American Devdas ( not the mopvie, but the novel by Sharat Chandra) , or I can call it anything else i want, but the fact is that I couldn't have seen this movie any other way.
He wants to drink himself to death, doesn't know if he wants to die because he drinks or he drinks because he wants to die, only thing he knows for sure is that he wants to drink himself to death.
She is in the most honourable and honest profession, prostitution. She is a hooker in Las Vegas.
and he comes to Las Vegas to die. And their's is one of the most beautiful love story.
Maybe I am a masochist, or maybe i understand the fickleness of human life better than all those around me, or maybe I am too drunk, but i loved the movie.
I started watching the movie, while I was still sober and got myself drunk by the time it ended.
I loved Nicholas Cage, his Oscar was well deserved, Elisabaeth Shue, missed it to Susan Sarandon, for dead man walking, but i guess life is not always fair, she was absolutely a sweetheart in the movie.
This was a heavy weight year btw, Usual suspects, dead man walking, apollo 13, babe, bridges of madison county, Casino, Nixon... man there were so many good movies lined up that year.

This is not a movie for everyone, as i read in one of the reviews, psychiatrists should form an ideal audience :-) but none the less, I could understand the want to destroy oneself and want to fade away in oblivion.

Love this movie, one of the best i have ever seen.

once upon a time in Mexico

This is Robert Rodriguez's third (and hopefully the last) movie in "El Mariachi" series. Let me tell you before you jump to any conclusions, I am a big Desperado fan, I loved the movie because of its sheer brilliance in style. But "Once upon a time in Mexico" seems like a ghost of Desperado. Characters are there, but the conviction is lacking.
Some of the characters are under developed, for example Eva Mendes is completely wasted, Johnny Depp is good, but Willem Dafoe is wasted. Too many plots and subplots and the whole story gets lost.
At best a time pass fare....

X-Men III

A nice timepass fare, you will ove it if you like comics and fantasies, I would say a good action film.