Trying to get a grip

A part of me seems missing, eyes search for something, soul is in turmoil......
Why I ask myself, why the gloom, why this despair, why can't I be Normal anymore. Normal the word hits me. What is normal, I don't know anymore, probably I am normal right now, I am alright right now, or am I. Don't know. It is one of those days when how so ever much I write I am unable to purge myself of thoughts. thoughts that have come to haunt me. The feeling of being a vagabond is more strong than ever. The restlessness has settled in, I feel like I am on the edge, desperately waiting for someone to push me off the cliff, so that I can fall again, for falling is only thing I know to do gracefully.
Have a splitting headache, and cannot make sense out of simple things.
Have to get out of this, have to get a grip.
Don't know how, but I really have to get a grip.......
and the worst part is that I have to do it alone :-(