Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial

What are we searching for??? Or should the question be, What am I searching for ?? I find that life in all its uncertainty is essentially meaningless, then why do I have to abide by rules, why do I have to confirm ?? Why do I have to live the fallacy ??
And If I refuse to live in this fallacy a whole world around me, formed of beliefs of people who think they matter to me, who think I matter to them, comes hurtling down to a devastating halt. But I know that this is also not permanent, eventually all of them will pick up the pieces and start afresh, or probably forget me as a bad chapter from their lives and move on. But here in lies the dilemma, I am not averse to the fact that they will move on, but I am averse to the bitter taste it will leave with them, and not all bitter tastes are cherished like chocolate. Not all of them are looked upon fondly, not all of them find a mention.
So essentially I know that I am living in an oblivion and I will fade away into oblivion one fine day, but I don't want to vanish, just now :-)
Catch-22 isn't it.
Or is it that I for one am unable to let go of people around me ?? Or I am ready for that, but don't believe that others will see it this way ?? What the hell............ Life goes on
It never stops for anyone, or anything, nothing stops, nothing is forever, except for change. I am compelled to rake out an old saying of mine...........

"Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial"

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~asto' ma sat gamaya