something in me has given way
have not wept still
cannot seem to weep too
something very elemental has gone missing
have missed folks before
it would feel as if a part of me was missing
but this is different
my soul is missing this time around
I am missing this time around
as if I am resurrected after the wrath of gods
but I am the only one resurrected
can't say for sure
if it is heaven or hell
don't have a bearing to measure it by
sinking in a bottomless pit doesn't describe it
feeling lost doesn't describe it
I am like a ghost, a shadow
pale and withdrawn
cursing the gods for resurrecting me
cursing the gods for making me what I am
cursing the gods...........
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Comfortably Numb
Each day brings a new turmoil
unfazed i stand
it pricks me like a needle
and i keep standing tall
don't even acknowledge the sting
am becoming numb
another threshold another day
am waiting for the moment
when i finally become
comfortably numb
my guts curdle
i breath in shallow gulps
I am not present to my surroundings
am unable to emote
unable to contemplate
am lost beyond articulation
mind turns blank
only thing i know is that I exist
where, i don't want to question
don't have it in me to question
and i wait to become
comfortably numb
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
unfazed i stand
it pricks me like a needle
and i keep standing tall
don't even acknowledge the sting
am becoming numb
another threshold another day
am waiting for the moment
when i finally become
comfortably numb
my guts curdle
i breath in shallow gulps
I am not present to my surroundings
am unable to emote
unable to contemplate
am lost beyond articulation
mind turns blank
only thing i know is that I exist
where, i don't want to question
don't have it in me to question
and i wait to become
comfortably numb
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
In search of peace
why do you question
something that is understood
why do you question someone
who will not understand
why do you wail
when no one hears you scream
why do you love
when love doesn't exist
what has become of you
what have you become
why do you look up to others
when they cannot be looked up to
yes it is lonely
and yes you are lonesome
but that is how it has to be
if you desire peace
peace is an elusive whore
it will make you sell everything
you body your soul
till you turn cold and bitter
lie battered and broken
and then it will smile on you
and ask you in stingy silence
why, what for.......
don't you know nothing lasts............
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
something that is understood
why do you question someone
who will not understand
why do you wail
when no one hears you scream
why do you love
when love doesn't exist
what has become of you
what have you become
why do you look up to others
when they cannot be looked up to
yes it is lonely
and yes you are lonesome
but that is how it has to be
if you desire peace
peace is an elusive whore
it will make you sell everything
you body your soul
till you turn cold and bitter
lie battered and broken
and then it will smile on you
and ask you in stingy silence
why, what for.......
don't you know nothing lasts............
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Ramblings
Untouched by words
aloof from emotions
dipped in water, but not wet
blown by air, but not dry
cold in heat, hot in cold
detached from surroundings
form less like smoke
roaming from one place to another
like a nomad, a vagabond
no abode to call his own
no land his promised land
like a hermit
he sails through time
in search of enlightenment
in search of peace
peace that will never be his
or perhaps it will be
destiny chooses not to reveal
what it engulfs in its embrace
till the time is just right
or the fate just abandoned
Nothing has come to pass
nothing ever will
for he cannot be touched
for he cannot be spoilt
for he is just a rider
hitching one ride after another
like locust he feeds off them
only to hop on and on
till he reaches where he belongs
how many sacrifices would be needed
for the journey is long
no one can say for sure
how long would it take
for a gypsy to settle down
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
aloof from emotions
dipped in water, but not wet
blown by air, but not dry
cold in heat, hot in cold
detached from surroundings
form less like smoke
roaming from one place to another
like a nomad, a vagabond
no abode to call his own
no land his promised land
like a hermit
he sails through time
in search of enlightenment
in search of peace
peace that will never be his
or perhaps it will be
destiny chooses not to reveal
what it engulfs in its embrace
till the time is just right
or the fate just abandoned
Nothing has come to pass
nothing ever will
for he cannot be touched
for he cannot be spoilt
for he is just a rider
hitching one ride after another
like locust he feeds off them
only to hop on and on
till he reaches where he belongs
how many sacrifices would be needed
for the journey is long
no one can say for sure
how long would it take
for a gypsy to settle down
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Monday, May 15, 2006
Some thoughts
Each end is a new beginning and each beginning is the start of a new end.
Each one of us has a responsibility to know what we are, all of us have to figure out among other things, our thoughts on faith, politic, likes dislikes, and it is our duty to understand why.
Instead of looking for a source of happiness, we should aspire to be the source ourselves
happiness can be found at just one place, within us.
Sum total of our life is Zero, all that stands will turn to dust, so each one of us has the moral responsibility of being happy and content.
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Each one of us has a responsibility to know what we are, all of us have to figure out among other things, our thoughts on faith, politic, likes dislikes, and it is our duty to understand why.
Instead of looking for a source of happiness, we should aspire to be the source ourselves
happiness can be found at just one place, within us.
Sum total of our life is Zero, all that stands will turn to dust, so each one of us has the moral responsibility of being happy and content.
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
What are we searching for??? Or should the question be, What am I searching for ?? I find that life in all its uncertainty is essentially meaningless, then why do I have to abide by rules, why do I have to confirm ?? Why do I have to live the fallacy ??
And If I refuse to live in this fallacy a whole world around me, formed of beliefs of people who think they matter to me, who think I matter to them, comes hurtling down to a devastating halt. But I know that this is also not permanent, eventually all of them will pick up the pieces and start afresh, or probably forget me as a bad chapter from their lives and move on. But here in lies the dilemma, I am not averse to the fact that they will move on, but I am averse to the bitter taste it will leave with them, and not all bitter tastes are cherished like chocolate. Not all of them are looked upon fondly, not all of them find a mention.
So essentially I know that I am living in an oblivion and I will fade away into oblivion one fine day, but I don't want to vanish, just now :-)
Catch-22 isn't it.
Or is it that I for one am unable to let go of people around me ?? Or I am ready for that, but don't believe that others will see it this way ?? What the hell............ Life goes on
It never stops for anyone, or anything, nothing stops, nothing is forever, except for change. I am compelled to rake out an old saying of mine...........
"Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial"
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
And If I refuse to live in this fallacy a whole world around me, formed of beliefs of people who think they matter to me, who think I matter to them, comes hurtling down to a devastating halt. But I know that this is also not permanent, eventually all of them will pick up the pieces and start afresh, or probably forget me as a bad chapter from their lives and move on. But here in lies the dilemma, I am not averse to the fact that they will move on, but I am averse to the bitter taste it will leave with them, and not all bitter tastes are cherished like chocolate. Not all of them are looked upon fondly, not all of them find a mention.
So essentially I know that I am living in an oblivion and I will fade away into oblivion one fine day, but I don't want to vanish, just now :-)
Catch-22 isn't it.
Or is it that I for one am unable to let go of people around me ?? Or I am ready for that, but don't believe that others will see it this way ?? What the hell............ Life goes on
It never stops for anyone, or anything, nothing stops, nothing is forever, except for change. I am compelled to rake out an old saying of mine...........
"Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial"
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Summer evenings - and why I hate them
Evenings have started to depress me, this is one time of the day which is not going anywhere, I mean night is when I go off to the land of nod, Mornings are when I look forward to the day, though often with a cynic resignation, but I do look forward to the day, afternoons are when I am waiting for the evening and evenings are when nothing seems right.
The sun is setting, all the birds are going to their nests, all the folks are see are getting ready to settle down. The worst memories of evenings are from Delhi, where as a child I would be returning home from some relatives place, in a bus packed to max, looking out of the window, seeing the gloom descend on the city. The birds screeching and vendors hawking there wares, all in an animated frenzy wanting to catch the last worm maybe.
The best evenings that I can remember were on Kaup beach off Udupi, where I sat and watched the sun set. I was relaxed and knew that is what I was there to do.
But back to gloomy evenings specially the summer ones, when it is still hot outside, bingo, I think I got my answer, I hate summer evenings for it is still hot and I believe Earth has no business being hot, once the sun goes down.
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
The sun is setting, all the birds are going to their nests, all the folks are see are getting ready to settle down. The worst memories of evenings are from Delhi, where as a child I would be returning home from some relatives place, in a bus packed to max, looking out of the window, seeing the gloom descend on the city. The birds screeching and vendors hawking there wares, all in an animated frenzy wanting to catch the last worm maybe.
The best evenings that I can remember were on Kaup beach off Udupi, where I sat and watched the sun set. I was relaxed and knew that is what I was there to do.
But back to gloomy evenings specially the summer ones, when it is still hot outside, bingo, I think I got my answer, I hate summer evenings for it is still hot and I believe Earth has no business being hot, once the sun goes down.
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Thursday, May 11, 2006
True Lies
Are any lies true, well all lies are true in the sense that they are truly lies :-) Sounds confusing ?? Well it sure is. How many times have you lied, cummon we all lie and when we lie it becomes the truth, it becomes the truth because we want it to be the truth with all our hope.
Lies are the easiest way of getting around in this wild world. Without lies truth will not have its significance.
I personally don't think that there is anything right or wrong, it just depends on the perspective, but then for the folks who want to differentiate and make world a more habitable place for themselves, lies can be termed as the "dark side of the force". so get seduced by the dark side of the force, for truth might prevail in the end, but lies do take you a lot of places before the end :-)
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Lies are the easiest way of getting around in this wild world. Without lies truth will not have its significance.
I personally don't think that there is anything right or wrong, it just depends on the perspective, but then for the folks who want to differentiate and make world a more habitable place for themselves, lies can be termed as the "dark side of the force". so get seduced by the dark side of the force, for truth might prevail in the end, but lies do take you a lot of places before the end :-)
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Monday, May 8, 2006
Some personality test on the net
| INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Enneagram Test Results
Your variant is sexual |
personality tests by similarminds.com
A missing URL - a deleted Orkut profile - a lost friend - a lost love - a lost book
There are times when we start taking things for granted, somethings, for example a URL in Internet age, or a friend who would always be there, or a book that one could always read, and then all of a sudden they disappear, and we don't know what hit us. This is a reality of life that we just cannot ignore. What you think will last forever, might be snatched away from you in a moments notice and the the worst thing is that you will not notice it going away, it will take a lot of pain and discomfort to get used to the idea of not having it in your life again.
But life always goes on, life always continues.
Nothing stops, nothing waits
so each time you get hit by this syndrome, say "what the hell" and go on :-)
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Thursday, May 4, 2006
India
Srishti se pehle satya nahi tha
asatya bhi nahin
antariksha bhi nahin
akaash bhi nahin tha
chipa tha kya
kahan,
kisne dhaka tha
us pal to,
agam atal jal bhi kahan tha
Srishti ka kaun hai karta
Karta hai va agarata
doosre akaash main rehta
sada adhyaksh bana rehta
wahi sachmuch main jaanta
ya nahin bhi jaanta
hai kisko nahin pata
hai kisiko nahin pata
nahin hai pata
This is my attempt at writing shoddily lyrics of a vedic Hymn that was translated from Sanskrit and sung for the serial Bharat Ek Khoj. I know I will be wrong on a whole lot of words here, but then, frankly I was never good at Hindi. I know, I know, that is why I am trying to discover my roots. This is beautiful, you know why, this hymn is about the agnostic belief. Something that is very unique to India, something that has not been accepted anywhere else.
We are the oldest civilization still alive, we are the most ancient of all, there is something about us that has made us survive, when other civilizations vanished from the face of the planet.....
Lets recognize that, lets understand that it is "us" that is going to make a difference here, It is us who has to take lead and correct the course of action, it is for us to awaken and say, hey I belong to a place that is so rich in Heritage that I care a damn if it was ruled for over a hundred years. No I don't identify with that India, I identify with the country that accepted me as its citizen, a country that made me what I am today, a country for whom I would cry as a kid, listening to Lata emote "Aie mere watan ke logon".
I know you will find a reason to love India too..........
People fall in love with India, because there is so much love around :-)
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
asatya bhi nahin
antariksha bhi nahin
akaash bhi nahin tha
chipa tha kya
kahan,
kisne dhaka tha
us pal to,
agam atal jal bhi kahan tha
Srishti ka kaun hai karta
Karta hai va agarata
doosre akaash main rehta
sada adhyaksh bana rehta
wahi sachmuch main jaanta
ya nahin bhi jaanta
hai kisko nahin pata
hai kisiko nahin pata
nahin hai pata
This is my attempt at writing shoddily lyrics of a vedic Hymn that was translated from Sanskrit and sung for the serial Bharat Ek Khoj. I know I will be wrong on a whole lot of words here, but then, frankly I was never good at Hindi. I know, I know, that is why I am trying to discover my roots. This is beautiful, you know why, this hymn is about the agnostic belief. Something that is very unique to India, something that has not been accepted anywhere else.
We are the oldest civilization still alive, we are the most ancient of all, there is something about us that has made us survive, when other civilizations vanished from the face of the planet.....
Lets recognize that, lets understand that it is "us" that is going to make a difference here, It is us who has to take lead and correct the course of action, it is for us to awaken and say, hey I belong to a place that is so rich in Heritage that I care a damn if it was ruled for over a hundred years. No I don't identify with that India, I identify with the country that accepted me as its citizen, a country that made me what I am today, a country for whom I would cry as a kid, listening to Lata emote "Aie mere watan ke logon".
I know you will find a reason to love India too..........
People fall in love with India, because there is so much love around :-)
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Eternal Truth
It consumes everything that ever was
It was there from the start will be there till the end
No one has escaped the wrath it brings
no body escapes the jaws of time
bitter, sweet, vengeful, whatever you have been
it will tear you apart, be sure of that
all your love, all your pride, all you achieve
all you con, all you produce
all the lies that is you
will cease to exist, but time will not
you cannot win this one
no one gets out of it alive............
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
It was there from the start will be there till the end
No one has escaped the wrath it brings
no body escapes the jaws of time
bitter, sweet, vengeful, whatever you have been
it will tear you apart, be sure of that
all your love, all your pride, all you achieve
all you con, all you produce
all the lies that is you
will cease to exist, but time will not
you cannot win this one
no one gets out of it alive............
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Anger
A strange kind of anger is brewing inside me, It is not directed at anything or anyone, It is just there. I can feel it running through my veins, I can feel it banging against my self-control, trying to burst out, It takes quite a bit of effort to keep it under check. I am unable to function normally though.
Nothing seems right, nothing looks ok, I am angry at myself and I am angry at all the people around me. I am angry at the expectations I have, I am angry at the expectations I have of myself too.
I am full of venom and don't know whom to spew it at. I have become neelkanth or so I would like to think, though I don't think I can keep it inside me for long............
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
Nothing seems right, nothing looks ok, I am angry at myself and I am angry at all the people around me. I am angry at the expectations I have, I am angry at the expectations I have of myself too.
I am full of venom and don't know whom to spew it at. I have become neelkanth or so I would like to think, though I don't think I can keep it inside me for long............
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya
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