Ways of love struck heart

The dice were loaded right from the start
what would they roll was destiny's game
would it be love or would they roll out hate
would they lead to bliss or bitterness was the fate
strange are the chances
and the people who play them up
strange are the ways of a love struck heart

you looked into his eyes and felt wanted
he looked into yours and felt he belonged
you both vowed to keep it beautiful
you both said each one is for keeps
you both played for it to last
connived, colluded for it to last
but strange are the ways the dice rolls
and people who go by it
strange are the ways of a love struck heart

you promised her the promised land
you promised her thick and thin
she held on to your words
like the life depends on them
she asked you to come good of them
but the times were not right
strange are the ways time passes
and people who let it pass
strange are the ways of a love struck heart

you promised him yourself
you promised him a sanctuary
close to your heart
you forgot they are still chains
even though of gold
you forgot what love is
and got lost in battle to tame
strange are the ways of wild beast
and people who try to tame
strange are the ways of a love struck heart

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Rang de Basanti

Beautiful, grand, awesome and yet so life like.
A well made movie, a rich belnd of past and present and a hope for future. Oneliners that I won't forget for a long time to come. be it DJ saying "we have one feet in past and like to keep one in future, so cannot help but take a leak on present" or Sukhi and his take it easy attitude, with a strong urge to live and make it big hidden beneath it. Be it brooding Karan with a succesful dad syndrome or intense Aslam trying to define his own existence out of the conventional norm. Be it hardliner Laxman and his take on Hindutva, pseudo nationalism and his scuffles with Aslam. be it Sue with the passion and optimism to see history in present or be it Sonia with love for life. Each character is well developed and real life. You will know all of them in flesh and blood, you will identify with some of them.
Normal lost generation, generation that has taken things for granted, generation that thinks about itself, a generation waiting to be awakened.
Something will have to be done, something that will shake up everyone, a beginning has to be made, youth has to be mobilized, If we give up on our country our culture our history, we will give up on our identity. Something will have to be done to preserve the democracy, to let the sanity prevail.
A must watch for any one with seething desire to make a difference, Question yourself, introspect, we are as much a part of problem, understand that and start doing things the right way. and once we have enough of us doing it the right way, the problem will get solved :-)

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

The eternal truth

bad shape is relative to good shape
confusions happen because we are weak
illusions occur because we don't want to believe
  15:45

me says
hope depresses because we don't trust
nothing helps, because we don't want to be helped
  15:46

me says
nothing lasts because that is the only truth
we are unhappy because we want to live in fallacy
make believe helps, but just in short run
expectations hurt for they are evil
evil rules for goodness is difficult
indulgence leads to gratification, but then nothing lasts
so nothing matters
and nothing should matter
  15:48
so lets fold our wings and go to sleep because nothing matters
why dream, why wish, why want anything
me says 15:49
yes, that is what death signifies, that is what Nirvana means
and when we accept the fact, we become free
 
why give, why take, why ask, why talk, why look, why feel
me says
but it happens after a lifetime of toil
 
what do you do in the interim
me says 15:50
true, all these are again fallacies that we indulge in for gratification
just carry on, oh hopeless mortal
 

me says
or take things in your own hand and let go
let go of life and all that you think is precious
because it won't last
  15:51
there is nothing precious, that too is a fallacy a make believe
me says
yes very true
 
a desire a want a notion
just a notion
me says
there is nothing precious, we just believe something to be precious
we want to be significant, while in truth we are utterly insignificant
and to try and find significance in the insignificance is the make believe battle we fight
  15:53
and with it a whole lot of other battles
all of equal or inequal significance or insignificance
me says 15:54
no this is the only battle, every thing falls under its domain
search for love, search for success, fight against loneliness
 
yes corollaries of the first one
me says 15:55
fight against poverty, corruption, fight for life
all these are fights to re-inforce significance of life
 
yes
me says
fight to explain origin
fight to find purpose of life
 
to believe that we are alive and kicking
to tell ourselves we are not dead as yet
to cook, to eat, to bathe, to breathe
me says 15:56
we are alive and kicking, but it is insignificant
it doesn't matter
 
to celebrate to mourn, to weep
me says
we cook, eat, bath to make the insignificance easy
to live life, so that we don't suffer anymore than we are supposed to
to celebrate, to mourn and to weep is fallacy
we should celebrate at death and weep at a birth
mourn the birth for another battle has begun
celebrate the death, for there is peace at last
  15:58
I wonder if that is eternal peace though
shit a thought crossed my mind
me says
eternal peace is achievable, but difficult
 
will talk about it later
me says
that is the only truth one shall seek
what was the thought ?
  15:59
just end it all, now
i dont see much point to all this in any case
me says
have been wanting to do it for quite sometime now
true there is no point what so ever
only point is if we were to search for the only truth
one that will set the karmic cycle free
the truth that will make us finally rest in eternal peace
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Management Issue

How unfair can people get, how can they sit down and decide the fate of someone just based on perceptions they have, probably they don't know what is required for a balanced team. I will never ever have a team of geeks working for me, the team has to have people with well rounded personalities and then the manager has to groom all of them like a family. Money is just not a good enough motivator, what motivates people is you showing confidence in them and encouraging them. Believing in them and grooming them, respecting them and all their notions and convictions and still try not to change them into cynics.
Big organizations churn out cynics like crazy, the team dynamics is based on lobbying, prejudices and at times you have incompetent non-leaders sitting in leadership position, trying to work their hand at middle management.
Clueless middle management is a sure shot death of a company culture, and I can smell the rot here, Infact it has been rotting too long now. The stench is unbearable now.
I am absolutely sure the Managers here don't know strength, weaknesses and interests of folks working in the team, they are busy trying to look good in whatever they do, and most of the times looking for scapegoats.
A manager trying to delegate all he can to people under him, on the excuse that they will learn, he doesn't have visibility into what is happening and will ask sticky questions at the end, so that you can be blamed, whereas if he had shown that interest in the beginning the whole thing would have been different.



--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Politics

Was reading the newspaper yesterday and there was this article about 5 IITians starting a political party. And all of a sudden I felt that I shoudl be doing somethign about the patriot in me too :-)
hee hee hee
another unstable thought from an Aquarian mind

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Growing up

As far back as I can remember, I was never treated as a normal Indian, I was not raised up to be an Indian. The coarse rustic is just not a part of me. I was taught to be politically correct, sensitive to all, and polite. I was never taught how to abuse, or how to take abuse as a part of language. I learnt that in college though. I was never exposed to the complexity of the culture, I was never exposed to the notions and conviction of people. I lived in a rosy world, that was protected and secluded and I was provided nurturing in a fake environment. Environment where people feared God, environment where there were no scandals, where nothing bad was ever discussed, so much so that I was not even aware of scandals and shame some of my close relatives had brought on to their families. So in short I lived in a make believe world.
and this world came shattering down the day I stepped into real India. all my childhood was spent reading books about distant English children and the way they had tea parties and the way they could go cycling in country side, but this could never happen in India, because no one will let me do it. We played and interacted with other children of the same phony middle class culture, which is too high on morals and tries to kill all the ambition that you might nurture inside you, before you even hit college. Conformance was the word in that social setup. Never question, always confirm.
But the India that I live in, is very different, the culture that I see now, has hues and shades of grey that I never knew existed. The history is strewn with examples after examples of individuals making it big, just on the sheer belief in their dreams. Love is not cheap but is celebrated, it is not a wayward thing to fall in love, but it is the truth of many beautiful stories.
So why were we brought up in a fallacy?

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Waiting for spring

Want to blossom like a flower
but the winter is too severe
want the snow to thaw
but the sun is too weak
want to fly spreading my wings
but the blood is frozen
what to sing aloud
but for the shiver
when will this winter get over
when will it be spring
when will it be spring

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Seinfeld

Yesterday evening was spent watching Seinfeld with a friend, I watched three back to back episodes, and trust me I cannot have enough of this sitcom about nothing.
am planning to get the whole collection and watch it over one sitting.

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Let me be

At times silly things can really take your peace of mind and make you feel awful, Things as simple as simple questions that I don't want to answer, because I don't feel like answering, and when Ia m asked the questions again and again, I get irritated, I get violently sick with this invasion of my space and then I lash out. And when I lash out I become a rebel without a cause.
Shit man I am always a rebel without a cause.
but I am not complaining, I have to live life, just on my terms, not on anyone else's, no one else.
and I will live it till I can.

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Bored to death

Am finding it very hard to concentrate, Just got back from visiting the venue for the Alumni meet that is supposed to be on 22nd on this month. All of a sudden I see a reason in the Alumni thing after a long long time, think I will be writing off my saturday, Sunday and Friday evening completely to the Alumni meet. That is the least I can do for the seeds that I had sown some 2 years back. Last time I along with Venky were responsible for arranging the meet, we took initiative and finally got a whole lot of folks together.
This time it is Anil, Ramesh and Himanshu who have done all the work, and it feels really good to know what all they have achieved.
Am waiting for the Advertisment in Friday paper declaring the Alumni meet :-)
but right now sitting at my seat, I am unable to concentrate on the job at hand, It is really boring


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Taking Control

It seems I am at point of no return, have to concentrate my energies into being what I want to be, instead of getting caught up in the question "What have I been upto" I have to stop pondering over life for once and take control henceforth.


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Times were not right

Times were not right, that is what his mom used to say. He grew up in an underprivileged neighbourhood, he would often complain about life and still carry on. his mom would always sit him down and narrate to him a story, her story, when the times were not right, but she still braved all and raised him up, the times were not right, because there was no money, there was no hope, there was no food. And she struggled, struggled against the very fate, learnt the lesson of life in a bitter way, but learnt it alright. times were not right.
He would look back and figure out that it couldn't get any worse, and hence stop cribbing till the next crib session.
and so they saw themselves through the times that were not right.

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Take Care

Hi ,
I don't know how you will feel but had to tell you this. I was just sitting and thinking about something when it dawned on me that i would have seemed very insensitive to you, when you were feeling that you might loose your job. but the reason I was not bothered about that was the fact that I knew that no one will ever fire an employee like you. I believed in it, totally completely. never even once doubted it. you are a very good person and more than that you are a smart person, you will never ever fail in whatever endeavour you pick up, with your complete heart in it.
take care
luv


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

I am loving it

Hope is a very strange thing and it hits you at times when it is least expected. Gives you a perspective that you never thought of, or just pulls you towards destiny that you never really believed in. I have hope now and I have really decided to take the control of my life on my terms, completely on my terms, and there is not going to be any scope of adjustment anywhere.
I have to live life king size and I have to live it my way. and I am loving it.

desert Rose

he walked into the desert, didn't carry anything with him, just walked into blazing sun and kept on walking till his legs could carry him. When he could walk no more he dragged himself as far as he could, then he lied down with his lips parched, his limbs full of blisters, his face towards the sun, which in all its unrelenting glory was beating down upon him. He lay there till he could see the vultures hovering above him, till he could hear his own heart beat, till breathing became a cumbersome task.
then a giant sandstorm rose from the bowels of the desert and made him and his signature of life, one with eternity.

SOS

Today as i sit down and try to write something, I am not able to think of anything that would be worth a mention, I have written just to much about pain and sorrow, but it still doesn't go away, I don't know how else I can paint the depth of what I feel. But a strange thing has happened now. I have stopped feeling, or at least that is what I would like to believe. I totally lack any motivation what so ever. I think I am getting addicted to all the bad things, for no rhyme or reason. In fact I am so lost right now that I don't even feel like writing anymore

New Year

It is new year again, or as all my friends and folks would like to call it, it is "Happy New Year" again. Somehow the symbolism of new year, birthday and important festivals is lost on me. I feel exceptionally gloomy on these days. New year marks the natural death of an year gone by and people look forward to a new beginning with the coming year. But I have found this idea, laced with deceit. Nothing really changes, nothing will change. So we are still living a life that stinks, still in a city that is degrading day by day.
Probably I am sick to see all the sickness around me and not do anything about it.