Born in a world that didn't seem to understand him, he was cursed into an existence that he had not asked for, let alone understands it. Expectations, a word so often used and exploited by people around him that he came to imbibe it in his own existence, expectation from life, expectation from relations, expectations from career. He had something to prove to the world that did not understand him, he had something to prove to the parents who never understood him, he had to prove to his relations that he was genuine, but operating from a different perspective.
He remembers growing up with his aspirations getting stomped out, each and every time he uttered them. He grew up with fierce determination to be his own master, someone who decides things for himself, but somewhere down the beaten track of time, he decided that he has to influence others too. There were just two things that drove him, his belief that anything under the sun can be earned, and the belief that one day people around him will finally understand. He saw her as an extension to him, not as a separate individual, he saw her as someone who will share the entire burden he has been carrying, he expected her to think his way, he expected her to be like him, and he expected her to understand. On her part she did try, but she was dealing with a whole lot more than she understood, she needed space, she needed understanding too, and she needed her wilderness to be endorsed by him. he thought it was just a waste of time and energy, all this didn't fit in his scheme of things , he knew to live only one way, he knew how to play to the audience, he had the burning desire of being the most important, the most sought after, the most looked up to. And he was willing to neglect her dilemmas, her weaknesses, her cravings for the greater good.
When he found her cold her he would wonder, what is wrong, he would want her to see his point of view, and when she would talk he would get threatened, her vision doesn't fit with his, her desires are so removed from his, in fact he would never get down to talking, because that would make him expose his insecurities, his own private war with the world around him, and how he found himself overwhelmed by the inadequacy of his existence to wipe out the random memories of depravity and feeling lost. He would stay quite, he would try to inflict the hurt that he felt, and would try to hurt her till she was at the same plane as he was, at least in terms of hurtful feelings.
The day she left, he thought "maybe it is for good", but as the time passed he realized what presence of a human being, who doesn't have hidden agenda against you, feels like, he missed that presence, it haunted him, and he realized little by little that no one can take that place, that no one had such a presence. His friends had a life that they were unwilling to compromise the way he had compromised his, his parents took him for granted, they thought that he is strong enough to handle anything, after all he is the eldest and a self made man. They did not understand the void in his life. He didn't acknowledge it either. Maybe he didn't even know his vulnerability, with so much time spent negating its very existence. He missed her, longed for her, and wanted it to magically work again.
But she had moved on, except for a bond that she felt and would never relinquish, she had moved on……………..
And he was completely lost…………………………..
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The allure of Solitude lies in it being perennial
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