What he saw

He saw himself in mirror

Off of veneers

Ugly, petty, selfish him

Inane, laughing, lunatic him

Delusional, hurt, diabolic him

Inconsolable, broken, loser him

Desperate, illogical, emotional him

Unloved, unappreciated, despicable him

Misunderstood, misrepresented, mistaken him

He saw himself long and hard

Stared into his eyes and did not blink

Till everything faded but the fiery dots

Ablaze as a funeral pyre

Lit up by some random hire

No today no tomorrow

No celebration no sorrow

Gone like a speck of dust

No one cared and why they would

His untended wants

His life lessons

His works of art

His silent obsession

Of that one word

How he wished to be called

Won't happen, it's not his to have

One thousand promises

Made and kept

No rhyme no reason

Yet still it hurts

Mortal Struggle

Something is not right

I am sure 

or I am delusional paranoid

hard to say which one it is

mind won't let me rest

heart ready to explode

or implode perhaps

hard to say which one it is

Immerse my senses or run fast

numb my senses or pretend

feel so alive, oh the pain

am I really alive, oh the pain

moments of bliss, welcome breeze

agony, misery, masochism in the same vein

bound, trapped yet freer than ever

loved, accepted yet lonelier than ever

count my blessings they say

flickering glow of a firefly

hope and despair

light and dark

mortal fight with mortal dilemmas

immortal path to immortal ideals

limits of body and limits of mind

limit transcendence, limit my life

soul free of vessel, I seek

pure consciousness 

devoid of pain

pure love, hope and peace incarnate

Vagabond, thats who

A vagabond, thats who

Searching for what

Elated and devastated

Alone yet with company

perpetrator  and sufferer alike

Lost in this life and that too

Looked for love, found illusions

Cherished and abandoned 

No grudges to hold

Trampled and misunderstood

Taken for granted and judged

No judgement or vengeance sought

A fool who believed the fable

Longing to belong

Undoing all

Labelled yet again

A vagabond, thats who

Ignorance is Bliss

How does it come to pass that the most authentic people feel like frauds to themselves?
It is because they are striving for a higher standard than anyone around them?
People who care about the dichotomy of thoughts, who hang on the hons of dilemma. People who don't like having double standards, people who take reality for what it is.
Why do such people have the worst of fights inside of them? when everyone around them is not even aware of the fake and double lives they are living.
I guess ignorance is truly bliss.

Pain so sweet

Heart in a blender

Feeling as raw as one could

seething mass of emotions

like big waves at a stormy sea

need to dive deep

away from the churn

find the pearls of wisdom

that bind us within

fickle mind treads on surface

eludes from peace to be had

to many what ifs and why nots

fight them all though I do

they keep coming back

and drown me out

I die and am reborn

with faith still intact

calm doesn't last long 

blender goes churning again

feels like purgatory of sorts

with heaven and hell in balance

give me strength give me wisdom

give me patience and let me be

show me how I can heal

give me fortitude, and gleaming hope

lift my blinds and let me run

make it bearable, this pain so sweet

for I want to live till it bears fruit

Find me some solace please

Pretending to be alright

with my heart in a vice

hazy vision, clouded thoughts

laboured breaths, heavy feet

a low that seems to drown

smile on my face

and a welcome song in heart

I force myself to hum

tone deaf cheery tune
every moment a fight 

denial of negativity

hope that i sow

it crumbles before it finds root

yet I keep sowing

waiting for benevolent rain

drench me in your essence

make me see what I see not

guide me, help me, rescue me

prayers after a long pause

not to lose self to dark

show me a glimmer

a light i can follow on

tell me to have heart

tell me it will be alright

remind me to love

remind me to live

remind me to be

Some Vs Most

Some days, things I will never be, bother me

Most days, things I am supposed to be, do motivate

Some days, the agony of desire derails me

Most days, I am able to keep a sane head

Some days, need for a warm body overwhelms

Most days, need for an understanding soul dominates

Some days, lows fog my brain and I yearn for light

Most days, light you shine sees me through