Needs

I need to get out, I really need to get out of this god forsaken place. I need to go run on a beach, I need to go climb a mountain, I need to drive on a scenic road, I need to get lost. And all this seems like a fantasy as of now. I don’t want love, I don’t want people around me. But am I being truthful. I am love sick, and I crave for company. But I want to get to a point where I don’t need love nor people around me. I need to find happiness in myself. I need to love myself. I need to forget the nightmares of my life and remember the beautiful dreams and imagine myself in those dreams.

I need to eat good food, I need to have my breakfast daily, I need to eat healthy, but what do I do when each morning getting out of bed itself is the biggest fight of the day.

I am stressed out and nothing I do seems to help. Yet I carry on and keep piling on more stress.

People who see me don’t see the frayed nerves. People who meet me don’t meet the scared me. People who love me don’t touch my soul. People who despise me don’t know that I loathe myself. People whom I make laugh don’t see the tears I weep, people who see the passion in me don’t see the cynic smirk. I am a ball of contentions, always bubbling with contradictions and acceptance is all I sought. Acceptance is not mine though. I need to accept myself first, I need to sleep with myself first.

I need to sleep a long deep sleep, I need to pass on I guess.