Eerie Silence

There is a eerie silence before the storm, then the gods of wrath descend and tear apart the fabric of life, continuity, saneness, that binds us together.
and then there is eerie silence once more

It feels that the storm has not abated still
the winds can start blowing any time now
trees will be uprooted and houses torn apart
Inhabitants will become vagabonds again
heavens will open up and cry floods
lightning will strike the place we hide

Eerie silence has descended on me
the void inside me is very quiet now
waiting for the next onslaught of emotions
waiting for the fury to be unleashed
can i drown in this slush of my own making
can i sleep for sometime before I burn



--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Sometimes life seems absolutely unbearable, other times it just sucks.... :-)
--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Wake up

Wake up oh sleeping giant
wake up and steer your destiny
I know slumber is comforting
don't be beholden by land of nod though
eons have passed
all memories are distant smudges
on the windshield of time
all those who were with you
all those whom you loved
all those who were your world
all of them have moved on
everyone belongs
some in palaces
some in places far away
what do you crave for still
what do you wait for still
no one is waiting
stop searching for things in past
they are buried and lost
will never happen to you again
make the present pleasent
and future will be happy
don't turn into the bitter man
you are turning into
don't be sad
people will accompany you
they will adore you too
show them the way you are going
and start moving towards that horizon
Horizon of the promises
horizon beyond which
dreams come true
everything you touch turns to gold
everything you believe becomes real
yes the people won't be same
but dreams will be
someone else will walk alongside you
but you will walk too

wake up and get going
wake up for you are late
wake up for you are alone.

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Jhoote vachan sab saari baatein

"I will be the father figure for your child" <when I have time ofcourse>
"I don't believe in marriage" <but I am married ofcourse>
"I will always be there for you" <though with someone else, or maybe on a different continent>
"you can call me anytime, you want to talk" <though in slices of 15 minutes>
"I will marry you" < I will induct you in the harem>
"There will always be a room for you where I live" < though you might not feel like dropping in, for where I live>
"I will never sleep with anyone except for you" <though I might go to 1st 2nd base> <once you are done, who needs to sleep with the person anyway>
"you are the most important person in my life" < Except for my wife and some ex flames of course>
"My choices are clear" <But I have to go ask for permissions from people in my past>
"I am confused" < You are no longer the single most important thing in my life>
"I am sorry that I happened to you" <I am sorry that you happened to me>
"Life is beautiful still" <I miss you, but don't care enough to let you know>
"Please forgive if I move on" <I am desperate for your attention>
"I will have to root out a few people from my life" <But I will always be available and accesible to them>
"I cannot hurt her anymore" <She will see the better of it, and I don't trust you>

"I love you"  <With a whole lot of "if then else" clauses>


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Despondent

Have you ever felt lost
lost beyond hope
beyond comprehension
beyond care
when you don't want to be found
when hope becomes blasphemy
and something tells you
"this is how it will be, always"

Have you ever been in company
yet lonely
lonely as the oasis in desert
brimming with life
yet so out of place in desert
lonely like an island
lonely like a sheer cliff
you talk, you laugh
but all is an aberration
your mind wanders
setting its own course
through the myriad of memories
not contemplating though
just reliving the agony
again and again

have you ever been with nature
yet incomplete
when nothing seems to fill the void
nothing carries the allure anymore
with mind in state of exasperation
unknown anger brewing inside you
and the wish to smoulder
everything in line of sight
and the erudition
that there is no deliverance
no escaping the wrath
an acquiescence of doom

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

 

 

Saudade

A Portuguese word for a feeling of longing for something that one is fond of, which is gone, but might return in a distant future. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Lost in translation

What is lost, what did we gain
what was possible then
what makes it impossible now
answers lost in translation
questions re-phrased
to mean different things
feelings are still the same
thoughts wander off though
I saw a vision
and chased it
couldn't describe it maybe
but there were no contradictions
there still are none

Anything is "can do",
and will always be for me..........
maybe i missed "won't do"
or maybe I did not
you never saw it maybe

I won't grieve anymore
have grieved enough for a life time
have not made compromises
for i don't barter
I know how to give
but am a fool when it comes to ask

will give up everything
before it can be snatched away
all have stolen enough
and continue they will
don't want the hurt that follows
so give up I will.........

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Innocence

A long time lived in agony
thinking, pondering, decimating self
being overly critical
holding self responsible
for ruining lives
not wanting to be drawn
in to the brawl
all over again
and it takes just one simple word
to melt all that away
and feel tender once again

each time I let the bitterness win
the whole world conspires
to keep the innocence alive

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya