Small piles of gold

small piles of gold
that house you own
car you drive
clothes you wear
attachments you foster
expectations you build
rules you follow
rhythm of society 
live by and for, 
small piles of gold

Ignore the soul
unfettered freedom it desires
like a distant dream we dream
flowing with the tide of time
locust, the time
eating through our lives
will live tomorrow, one day, some day
promises hollowing our intentions
sitting on fence
ruing the very existence
bound like slaves in chains
to small piles of gold

conflicted mind
pure heart
misinterpreted actions
lonesome thoughts
imagined regrets
stomping of desires
bindings of fate
tethers of emotions
Last breath you take
none of this will matter
you shall cease to be
as will piles of gold

Smile

A haunting would best describe

what I have felt this life to be

can't ascribe a reason to wishes

can't ride or live on them either

pining for past present and yes future

knowing well the illusion of control

Why can't for once I be at peace

journey into nothingness

in search for equanimity

The smile is still the same

but eyes, they can't hide the pain

Anger

I am disconcerted. Conflicted and irritated too

Perhaps it is time to take back seat

who am I to contemplate or proclaim

I don't understand social constructs

I don't understand confirming

I have burnt all bridges I crossed

I don't get why free will is curtailed

Or how expectations work

 

Today for the first time in a long long time I felt that angst of wanting something to change. I am angry and agitated. It is as if I am expecting something from someone who cannot possibly fathom the rationale of the same or doesn't have the strength to swim against the current, at least not for now anyway.

I have never felt anger in this context

It bothers me

Because I tend to burn everything down with my anger. If there is one pattern in my life, it is my anger and how I have hurt myself because of it. So I guess I need to learn and observe it and not let it get in the way.

Yesterday was a low
today ain't it though
tomorrow would see
a whole new aspect of me
yet there is a constant
yearning perhaps, if I may

Why

peeking through memories
life not mine
window dressing deceives
make them seem mine
I ain't that thou
like Sy in OneHourPhoto
wish to be part of tableau
breathe and live a dream
wishes, oh they have wings
to fly far and high
no place to land though
just a dreamland to survive
melancholy of existence
flamed by false sense of loss
and a vision to die for

why do I live, oh why!

Wail

Hold on to the semblance of sanity
chaos anyways rules the soul
some wishes just can't be
no matter how the innards mourn

Deliverance be mine

gaping hole in the soul

discovered by fate

gnawing at his core

his incapability he knows

karma unfolding he understands

yearning he can't control

each day sobers his want

progression for peace

to be undone once more

for he is not worthy

of the gift he seeks

judgment bemoans

finality of binding causation

banality of his damnation

challenged to rise

bound down by chains

he bows to the destiny

"deliverance be mine"

 

  

Magic

Some days, music is your savior. Who says magic is dead J

My playlist today started as such

https://youtu.be/bx1Bh8ZvH84

Yes, Wonderwall

https://youtu.be/ntlpTad3PLM

High and Low J

https://youtu.be/2O6duDDkhis

The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness

https://youtu.be/m_ZRWZv14SA

Yes, something to believe in

And finally

https://youtu.be/QeMriDOkn7U

sometimes, if you really do listen,

magic speaks to you