Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not in the contentment. Love was an ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself
~ Inheritance of Loss
   <Kiran Desai>

Of Gods and Goddesses

My mom told me this story today, I was having my lunch along with Ganesh when the topic veered off to religion and gods. She would have been 4 years old and was playing with a long bamboo spline, she would burn the end of the spline in the embers of earthen stove and will move it round in circles to see the pattern formed by the red burning end in dark of the room.

Her aunt (paternal aunt) told her not to do the same, she told her that if she keeps doing it "sheron waali maata" or maa Bhagwati, will come out of the photograph hanging on the wall and scold her. My mom didn't like what was told to her and kept staring at the photo-frame. After some time she figured that no one can come out of that photo-frame and stuck out her tongue to the goddess, teasing her, asking her for her wrath. Nothing happened, she did it once more, and kept staring at the photo-frame. What follows next is amazing. She says that she felt some sort of a figure came out from the adjacent photo-frame and entered the frame where goddess was sitting on her tiger, the goddess pointed her finger at my mom and told the figure that she is the one who has been dis-respectful. The figure ran towards my mom carrying a smouldering "angeethi" on his head. mom was scared for sometime, but regained her composure, and reasoned that she was imagining stuff. She again stuck out her tongue in a teasing way at the goddess, this time the vision of the figure wouldn't leave her. She doesn't remember anything more, she might have screamed, or hid under the bed, or ran, she doesn't remember. 

true lies

sifting through the sands of time
trying to make out truth from lies
i realize that there is no telling the truth
everything is a lie, everything is a truth
the moments color the perception
emotions add the hues
shades of jealousy are evident
and the theme is painted by possessiveness
hypocrisies blend it all
and we paint it in shadow of our ugliness
then the picture is ground by the ego
till truth and lies are inseparable
like twins in a womb





--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

generally speaking

Sometime back I stopped writing about the movies I have been watching. I did so because I was just posting about the movies and nothing else. It felt weird, This blog was about nothing so it cannot become of movies :-)

anyway, I have not stopped watching movies though and I am using unlimited membership from seventymm to the max.

Nothing much is happening apart from that though, life has kind of mellowed down and settled down, so I am waiting for the next chance I get to disrupt it.
--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

...

I saw you alright, but I am not noticing you yet

you have come at the wrong moment

and I cannot be your destiny

I cannot yield to myself anymore

and yes the flame has died down

there is nothing more appealing here

than the wrinkles on old skin

or the paint peeling off the roofs

the rails are rusting and windows don't shut

and this place has not seen a living soul

in millions of years.......

so don't try to come in now

because no one is welcome anymore

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

Alice in NormalLand

In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean.. In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song..
These words borrowed from "alice in wonderland" have always captivated me, but off late the person I used to associate them with has become kind of anti thesis of the same :-)
It is strange what love can do :-)

Love re-defined

Read it somewhere, love is nothing but a chemical addiction between two people...
I think this line of reasoning holds a lot of weight.

--
Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial
http://ankitbchhibber.googlepages.com/home

इल्तेजा

वोह जो निशान् बाक़ी रह गए हैं
उन्हें मिटा दो,
मेरे कहे जो सवाल हैं
उन्हें भुला दो
जहाँ कुछ याद ना रहे
ऐसे जहाँ मैं ले चलो
जहाँ तुम्हें भीड़ मैं ना खोजूं
तुम्हारे गुम होने पर अश्रु ना बहें
तुम्हारे मिल जाने पर आँख नम ना हो
तुम रकीब भी ना हो
और अपने भी नहीं

songs that I sung are off key now

places I visited fading away

only thing left of love is illusion

to get lost is no more romantic

to fall no more exciting

have to collect some dues

some more insane trips of pleasure

some more howling for ecstasy

some more drunken stupors

and then I would walk on

with chains around my heart

and dead weight on my ankles