What does deliverance mean
is there peace somewhere
hidden from naked eye
beyond the distant horizon
waiting for me as my destiny
do I have to relinquish everything
do I have to walk alone
on the path shown by seers
does it even matter
why do we want to live in make believe
why are we so desperate
why do I think
why doesn't the chatter stop


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

thoughts

Some thoughts can be liberating,
some can make you weep
thoughts bind you in chains of slavery
where you toil hard to make sense of nothing
they weigh a tonn sometimes
and sometimes float like feathers
they are the enemy within

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Random thoughts

Had a strange thought, in a way I don't even own the moments of my own life. They are shared with a lot of people. the Good, the bad and the ugly. How can I talk about those moments, without being prejudiced. The truth is that my thoughts are my own, I don't owe them to anyone. but my experiences are not just my own. If I were to write aboutmyself I will have to write about people in my life. I am not sure that it is the right time for the same. It might be right time for me, but not for them.
I have to find will once again, or maybe for the first time. I have to find a cause. I have to define a reward system for myself devoid of any pretenses.
Till now I have seen all but pretenses. I have met people trying to help others working for NGO's trying to give back something to the community. but just below the surface I have always found lurking, some in-authenticity about them. As if they were chasing a different dream, but eneded up here and are fine with it.
I am unable to do that to myself, I know that I have limitations, I know that I am obsessed with self, I know that I demand perfection from myself. But just now, I am tired, very tired and don't seem to have the will to go on, the will to wage war. And by the way, war against whom??
My enemy is as nameless and as faceless as myself.
Will love bloom??
Who am I to say after all I am not the man in charge of "Garden of Eden"

We all have vices
Vices thrive in harmony, if you have one, be assured that you have the others too, they are just hidden beneath your skin, but they are there. And it is ok for them to be there. Without them you will no longer be a Human.


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Recent Trip

 

I want to write something, but the words have the way of disappearing, when you need them the most. Thoughts become a hazy collage, and I get lost in the myriad of possibilities, all that could have been, all that are wishes and desires.


--
~asto' ma sat gamaya

Silence

Can I kill he asked
the sun had just gone down
evening promised cool breeze
and a light shower to go along
love was in the air
and he had a gun in his hand
Can I kill he asked again
wait, replied the voice
keep walking some more
feel the breeze, feel the love
cannot feel them, he replied
children had come out
playing small meaningless games
so absorbed in what they did
without a care for tomorrow
taking life for granted
he crossed them on a trot
didn't have it in him to stop
Kill Kill Kill said the voice
he walked on
It was silence once again
he came to a park
lovers holding hands
elderly gathered in groups
some using the jogging track
Kill Kill Kill said the voice
he couldn't
his hands were rocks
his legs lead
his eyes fireballs about to explode
hi breath stale and sick
Kill Kill Kill
I cannot I cannot
you have to
this is where it ends
yes this is where it ends
clouds in his mind cleared
hands lifted themselves
bang
there were some shrieks as he fell
there was silence once again

--
~asto' ma sat gamaya