After a very long time, I am stoned again, and ready to my mind wander. I am going to let it wander while I stay oddly unmoved, in the centre of it all. It is as if I can suspend ego and think like a human. a fair human if you may. Yet again I start building the illusions of grandeur, but the current "state of being" doesn't let me do that. It strips me to bones, my bones, bare bones. Bones that are naked with the shallowest and the basest of of human emotions on display. It reduces me to the animal in me. And strangely I can empathise with my ugly self, but I know that this is not it.
I know that something better can happen and will happen. Isn't it odd, that egoless state is hopeful? but perhaps not. Think of it. Ego has not really succeeded in getting what it wants, ever. one always had to pay the "big" price for ego, so ego has to be cynical. It is existential for ego to be cynical. A rising star, in early stages of "the rising", might have had a positive and hopeful ego. But I ain't one. So for me, cynical is a survival tool. But if I can let go of ego and let it be, I can be positive and hopeful.. And that is the space I want to be at right now. Ego is a tricky thing though. The reason of having an ego is perhaps to encourage survival. Survival against barbaric world. Some day, when the world has ceased to be barbaric, else extinct, our present ego will be a relic of our animal past. The ego on display then would be far more complex. To be alive and conscious will have a very different meaning. It would not be about survival, but about harmony. I think true objectivity might then be possible. But not today, not tomorrow, eons must pass before that could happen, i.e. if we survive.
Ok mind, now canter off to some new quest. Find me something to think of, Find me something profound yet very intuitive. Such that the answer is staring at us, yet we fail to see.
I believe earth has gone to ruins multiple times and there is no way to say how-many-times-and-how. Everything on earth eventually gets recycled. Each chunk of land is sent back to core, to be forged again as a virgin land. All the material is broken down to elemental state churned inside out. The oldest of life forms, which by the way, might have been more advanced than us, won't have a trace left. Time is immaterial to a dirt ball called earth. It existed before us and hopefully it will exist long after us.
